A bunch of you old fogies bitch and moan about my near-incessant Justin Bieber posts. But because I share this knowledge with you, you in turn can discuss it intelligently with others while (of course) turning your nose up. That being said, THERE’S A NEW KID ON THE BLOCK, GUYS. And his name is Cody Simpson, and he’s the current heir apparent to Das Bieb. Give a look and a listen. IT’S AMAZING IN ITS FREAKISHNESS.

Some quick Cody Simpson Fun™ Facts™: Cody was born in 1997 (already hate him), from Gold Coast, Queensland (hate him), is a championship swimmer (whatever, hate him), and was discovered on YouTube just like Justin Bieber, who he will NEVER be because he’s a two-bit punk who wears Capris and girl sunglasses and makes Justin Bieber look like this guy.

Cody Simpson? First and final warning: This is Justin Bieber’s internet. Get your bony ass off of it!!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ZAHDtzeC_AU%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

9 replies on “Cody Simpson? You, Sir, are No Justin Bieber!”

  4. Please tell me someone’s already made a ‘lesbianswholooklikecodysimpson’ tumblr. Also, he looks like he’s about to cry during the entire video.

  5. Hey, parents! Do you want your kids to be pop stars? The time is ripe for a castrati to top the charts again! Be the first – with one little snip, your little burden could make you millions in record royalties. It’s so retro it’s cool again.

    “A castrato is a grown man with a singing voice equivalent to that of a soprano, mezzo-soprano, or contralto voice, produced by castration of the singer before puberty.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castrato

  6. “Let’s slather some blush on this kid, vaseline his face up, and shoot this video! We’re gonna be rich, boys!”

  7. It’s pop music, and it sells. Cody Simpson, Bieber, Gaga, who cares? I think the complainers/haters about modern pop music are more irritating than the stars themselves. These kids are making money, you’re not.

  9. cody simpson is better than justin bieber!! hes cuter, younger, sings better, and dresses better!!! i <3 CODY SIMPSON!!!!

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