You may think the following video—which depicts a toddler unsuccessfully trying to drink from a garden hose—is “adorable.” However, how adorable will this person be in 17 years when he’s doing a keg stand on the vomit-coated balcony of a frat house? I think of these things.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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