OMIGOD, YOU ARE SO STUPID, YOU STUPID FUCKING BABY!!! Say it with me: “Pop.” NO, NOT “POK!!” Say “Pop.” Now “si.” NO, NOT “STICK,” YOU DROOLING IDIOT!!! “Pop-si-cle.” Popsicle! Say it.

OH SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST!! WHO’S YOUR SPEECH THERAPIST?? DAFFY FUCKING DUCK???

POP-SI-CLE, YOU DIMWIT!!!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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