I don’t know what country this is from—I don’t want to know. What I DO want to know is what the goddamn U.N. is gonna do about this growing scourge of foreign nations allowing fat kids to piggyback ride each other off a diving board, and leaping onto a huge inflatable pillowy thing, thereby catapulting a skinny chick a million feet into the air.
So? What are you going to do about that, U.N.? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT??
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Um… you’ve got it all wrong Steve. The US of A is falling dangerously behind in the inflatable-launching-device arms race with the rest of the world. We need to apply some gosh-darned ‘merican ingenuity and show those pinko-commie-socialist-homos how real red-blooded heteros launch people with pneumatics.
Would an L-shaped one work better? Laying longways, with the shorter leg vertical? Jump onto the top of that one and you’d be pushing more air as you fell onto the column. Right?
That was awesome! Me next!