There’s a trampoline… there’s a camera. So you know something terrible is about to happen. But what? It certainly seems safe enough—UNTIL IT DOESN’T.

Today’s words to live by: “I told you to zip it up.”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)