Nothing but respect.
Nothing but respect. Ethan Miller / Getty

Editor's note: This story was originally published for our Seattle-based sister paper The Stranger.

There are many things you should be doing instead of watching Trump's nationally televised address to convince Americans they should back his plan to fund his racist border wall. Skip it, obviously, and listen to The Stranger's Eli Sanders, Rich Smith, and Katie Herzog give a lie-by-lie analysis on tomorrow's episode of the Blabbermouth podcast. They'll suffer through Trump's address, happening across cable networks in mere minutes, so you don't have to. But noted patriot Stormy Daniels is about to go full-on Marie Kondo and willl be folding laundry in her underwear for 8 minutes on Instagram Live to provide important counterprogramming for her people, the citizens of the United States.

Let's tune in...

6:00 PM

Stormy has folded a nice pink skirt to Pink Floyd's The Wall, clearly sending up, y'know, Trump's wall. Nice.

6:01 PM

With 11,000 people tuning in, Stormy has now folded approximately five things.

6:02 PM

She's folding Daisy Dukes! In the middle of winter! There are three candelabras behind her. One red candle. Stormy, as I have noted, is a fan of candles. I believe I have seen her use this exact candle to pour wax on her vulva, in a performance I previously described as "historic," "patriotic," "vaginavulva-forward," and "wax-driven."

6:03 PM

We've noticed a dimmer switch above Stormy's bed.


6:04 PM

The music has transitioned to Taylor Swift's "We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together." This is from Taylor Swift's "I Fuck Now" period.

6:05 PM

Currently 16,000 people just watched Stormy fold a Penthouse tank (rather than a Playboy tank). We believe she may be wearing a Balconette bra. They are very supportive, I hear, holding the breasts as if they are on a balcony. The Balconette is Stormy's pulpit.


6:06 PM

A very firm shake of an extra large screen tee. Strong form.

6:07 PM

We've transitioned to a third (and final?) song: Tom Petty's "Won't Back Down." The hits keep coming. She's standing her ground while folding a SLIPKNOT TANK!?!?!?!?

6:08 PM

We're currently divided over here in Stranger World Headquarters about whether she is folding everything in thirds, per Marie Kondo, or perhaps using some unknown retail method. The JCPenney method? The Ross "Dress 4 Less" method? We are not divided on her firm resolve to finish folding this laundry.

6:09 PM

The eight minutes of entertainment has ended. Stormy concludes her address to the nation with... WHAT!? IS THAT!? A BAG OF CHEETOS. As she chomps a handful of Cheetos, a symbol of literally the President of the United States, the nation weeps.