It’s official. As of yesterday, the first week of December will now be regarded as “National Christmas Tree Week.” Who do we have to thank? Sen. Jeff Merkley, doing the good work at the Senate.

And this isn’t just a casual put-it-on-a-cheap-calender-and-forget-it holiday. It comes with some serious rules. Here’s the Senate’s resolution:

Resolved, That the Senate—

(1) designates the first full week of December in 2011 as “National Christmas Tree Week”;
(2) encourages the celebration of Christmas trees during that week;
(3) recognizes the role Christmas trees have played in the history of the United States;
(4) reaffirms the environmental benefits of Christmas tree farms and recycled Christmas trees;
(5) encourages the recycling of Christmas trees after the holiday season; and
(6) celebrates the joy Christmas trees bring to families across the United States.

Can we all just picture the Senate celebrating joy for a minute? Ahhh. That’s what Christmas is all about.

Turns out, it’s also a sneaky way to promote Oregon’s mighty economy. Last year alone, Oregon harvested 57,000 acres of Christmas trees, selling over 6.4 million trees to a value of over $90 million — a pretty hefty sum. “While Christmas trees are grown in all 50 states, they are vitally important to Oregon’s economy. We produce more Christmas trees than any other state in the union, and we are proud of that tradition,” says Wyden in a press release.

Now go forth and celebrate those trees, damn it.

[UPDATE: This post was incorrect in listing Senator Wyden as the main sponsor of the bill—it’s actually Senator Merkley. Wyden is a co-sponsor and the quotes in the post come from Merkley. Sorry for the error!]

Alex Zielinski is a former News Editor for the Portland Mercury. She's here to tell stories about economic inequities, cops, civil rights, and weird city politics that you should probably be paying attention...

13 replies on “New Holiday of the Week”

  2. FUCK THIS SHIT!!! OBVIOUS VIOLATION OF MY FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS WITH THIS CHRISTMAS BULLCOCKEY. THEY ARE HOLIDAY SHRUBS!!! MAKE THIS NON-DEMONINATIOAL AND WE WILL WIN THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!!

  4. So, does this force Portland to call “the tree” at Pioneer Square a “Christmas tree” instead?

    “”holiday trees,” as they should be called”
    The United States federal government designates national holidays on 11 days. Only one of the holidays uses a tree in it celebration. So Todd, how about a compromise? Can you at least call it a Christmas holiday tree? Or is Christianity the only thing that the left feels appropriate to “murder”?

    I can’t wait for KBOO’s annual “sacrifice on a stick” show this Christmas day. I’m still waiting for them to do a “Mohammed the pedophile, riding a unicorn that jumps into the sky off a big rock” show.

  10. Speaking of “the left,” a certain OTHER free weekly which I hate to admit even skimming recently mentioned a nickname for the inner east side, “The Kremlin.” As a resident of the area in question, I have to take issue with that nickname, and would like to suggest another. “Pinkolandia.”

  12. @Andy: “Holiday tree” is fine. You can call it whatever you want privately, but government-sponsored trees shouldn’t be “Christmas trees,” unless you also want the government to sponsor public menorahs or statues of the Buddha, Santa Muerte, the Angel Moroni, etc. etc.

    “Christmas” itself should probably be called, at government-sponsored events, WHFKAC (pronouned Whiffkack), Winter Holiday Formerly Known As Christmas.

  13. I think it is interesting that the JesusCrispys aren’t up in arms about “Hondadays” where by the ‘holi’ part of this time of year has been turned into a sales pitch for those pesky hybrid shinto-cars.

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