Oh, yes: Let us now go to the New York Post for our daily dose of important news:
The charitable foundation of late president Ronald Reagan condemned a British auction house for selling a vial that purportedly contains his blood.
Bids above $9,500 were made for the specimen vial and supporting documentation, apparently from the hospital where the then-president was treated after a 1981 assassination attempt.
“If indeed this story is true, it’s a craven act, and we will use every legal means to stop its sale or purchase,” Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation executive director John Heubusch said in a statement.
This is clearly the beginning of a science fiction novel. Either Mitt Romney will drink the blood, grow to gigantic size, and then go on a rampage during a presidential debate, or an insane Texas billionaire will clone an army of Ronald Reagans in vats as part of a plan to populate Mars. In any case, I eagerly await the quest to find Abraham Lincoln’s foreskin. Get Nicolas Cage on the line!
Executive Director Heubusch then commenced howling, “BLOOD! BLOOOD!!!” repeatedly, eventually having to be sedated by his German-speaking underlings.