The city’s water bureau released the security report from early Saturday morning, when two skinny dippers were busted.

First, meet Ashley and Ryan, who–according to the report–did not object to Portland Water Bureau security officer (or “water security specialist”) Steven G. Swan taking their photo “for identification purposes.” I have a feeling they might have objected had Swan said the pictures were for “public ridicule purposes.”

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Here’s are bits of the various officers’–er, excuse me, water security specialists‘–reports (which say that “unless things change, the suspects will be cited into Community Court”):

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Check out the rest of the report here (it’s a PDF). And water gods willing, we’ll have security footage very shortly! UPDATE: The water gods are frowning on us and our Macs, which have trouble with .avi files (and we’ve tried all sorts of tricks). But KGW has the grainy silent footage.

12 replies on “Skinny Dippers Security Report!”

  1. That’s a laff riot. Thankfully they were wearing undergarments though, though that does mean they were not ‘skinny dipping’ per se (at least to my understanding). But, man, it was fucking HOT on Saturday! I can certainly sympathize.

  2. But they were swimming late FRIDAY night. 2:35 am.
    it wasn’t that hot on Friday. Let alone at that hour.
    They were probably drunk.

    These people are idiots and fully deserve as much public humiliation as any one wants to give them. Especially on TV like Dave did on AMNW this morning.

    Swimming in our drinking water. offline or not.

    I’m surprised they weren’t charged with any terrorist charges or anything, givin’ how people want to ‘cap’ the reservoirs cause of such paranoia.

  3. American’s just don’t want to have fun anymore. There was a time in this country that everyone took his or her sweetheart out for a late night skinny dip. There was a time that mooning a crowd of people evoked laughs not a 10 year registration as a sex offender. What’s next? Are we going to reenact anti-adultery and anti-fornication laws requiring these folks to wear scarlet letters?

  7. Sorry, no sympathy… if you want to skinny dip, I’m fine with you jumping the fence of your neighborhood pool, but please don’t swim in the water we DRINK, no matter how clean you are. I have no problem with the scarlet letter treatment for these idiots.

    Also that KGW website crashed Firefox on my Windows XP machine.

  8. “but please don’t swim in the water we DRINK”

    Horse Shit!

    Uh, people swimming in it is the least of my worries considering all the dead stuff I see floating in it most of the time. I say we all go for a dip. Guess what? I think they clean it a little before it reaches your home, Nerdos.

  9. So, if a bird flies over it and takes a SHIT in it, or if a rabid rat falls into it and drowns, does that mean they have to dump all the water? No. But if a young couple decides to take a dip…THAT is a crime against humanity.

    Let’s get a little perspective on things.

  10. You act as those the water in this POND is going straight into your tap, paulcone. This is a HOLDING POND from which water is drawn, filtered, chlorinated, and had toxic fluoride added before entering the public water drinking system. It is no different than them swimming in the Willamette.

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