ATTENTION BLOGTOWNIES, B-TOWN BOOZIES, BREATH MINT TOWELEES, OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU KIDS LIKE TO BE CALLED THESE DAYS:
Myself and the rest of the editorial team are currently in our annual “Brainstormapocalypse WOW” meeting, and so we’ll be off the blog for a few hours. We’ll be back in full rousing form after lunch, though.
During these Brainstormapocalypses, we conversate on the direction the paper is going, our website, and how we can be of greater service to you Beezie-town Biebers. That being said, you can bet your sweet ass that this BRUCE THE DOG PROBLEM will be at the top of our discussion list.
As you undoubtedly recall from Ezra’s post yesterday, the Willamette Week purchased a dog or something, and Ezra’s mad because we apparently purchased a dog first or something, and… something about a fox tie? I don’t know. I frankly don’t read much of Ezra’s work.
HOWEVER! I did click on the link that took me to the WW’s Dog page, and I was like WHAT… THE… FUCK. Dog Friendly Bars?? Are you fingerfucking kidding me??
People, this bullshit stops HERE, and it stops NOW. I’m all for the usual brand of touchy-feely shenanigans that Portland provides and annoys the shit out of Carrie Brownstein. But when you start bringing dogs into bars—that’s HERESY, my friend. One of the reasons I drink is to ESCAPE children and dogs. And isn’t anyone worried about the health ramifications of an ass-licking dog, who steps on his own shit, bellying up to the bar? I don’t mind destroying my liver with sub-par hootch, and heading to an early grave… I just don’t want a goddamn mongrel with his drippy, germy mouth and his botulism-carrying fleas pushing me there any sooner! And so, with that, A POLL.
IS THIS “LETTING DOGS INTO BARS” BULLSHIT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT OR WHAT?
As always, the result of this Blogtown poll is final, binding, and will be turned into federal law. And while we’re in our meeting, feel free to discuss this BULLSHIT amongst yourselves.
This poll is boring. I’m bored. Hurry up with your meeting.
HURRRYYYYYYYY.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I’m soOOOOOoooo bOOOOoooooooooored.
Don’t leave me here alone with Joneser!
Can the outcome of the meeting be that Olive is fired? Y’all deserve a dog that isn’t both stupid and ugly.
Please add to the agenda more use of the term “fingerfucking kidding me.”
Is this when we sneak over to the rich kids’ camp across the lake and steal their mascot?
Do not pay attention to the Willy Week. Last time you did, it forced them to keep their awful swastika-like logo, which is a continuing blight on the city’s graphic sensibilities.
Dogs have been in bars for as long as mankind can remember. And haven’t you ever been to the Lucky Lab? They have a dog section.
I’ll stop bringing my dog to the bar when he becomes the worst smelling living creature at the bar. In this town, I doubt that ever happens.
http://www.wweek.com/portland/blog-26388-b…
I really hate those WW cunts
I don’t even really like dogs that much, so they should definitely stay out of non-dog bars. Lucky Lab gets a pass, though. I am fully aware that there will be lots of disgustingly large and slobbery dogs at Lucky Lab, and I can do nothing about it.
The only thing the Willy Week should be used for is lining bird cages and helping me identify people I don’t want to talk to.
DOGS IN BARS!!!!!
That story is at least useful in that I know to avoid those bars.
I wanna get drunk in the most comfy sofa/puff hugging my mixed race street Dog. As some one said before, isn`t it fiferrent than people profiling and not letting them in? or something? They can make cookies specially for dogs and doggy shakes.
Instead of who let the Dogs out it will be who will let the Dogs in!!!
Another contender for Incomprehensible Comment of the Week!
@CC – He won the Lifetime Achievement Award for that a long time ago. That’s why we like him!