Here’s a letter from the I Love Television™ mail bag that I thought you’d enjoy.

Dear Editor: We pick up your publication from the racks whenever we can, but I am writing to tell you we won’t be reading it anymore. I was shocked when I opened the June 9 issue and saw the headline “Goddamn Kids”. I don’t even like typing it. I had to look twice because I couldn’t believe it. Not only the headline contained it but it was repeated over and over. I was offended.

I am not a religious fanatic, but I am a Christian, and there are plenty of us in this area. In case Steve doesn’t know that the Third Commandment is “Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.” If he wants to do that on his own time, that’s his business, but I don’t believe it should be used in a publication for all to see. Shame on him and shame on you for letting him publish the trash in your paper.

Vicky Colbert

My response after the jump…

Dear Vicky:
Thanks for writing, and though you bring up a good point, since I don’t actually believe in God, I’m exempt from following any of his commandments. HOWEVER! If I did believe in him, I’d probably say “Goddammit!!!” about a billion more times than I do at present. God is in the business of smiting and damning people, after all, and when I ask him to damn something, I’m usually pretty serious about it and am therefore not “taking his name in vain.” Besides, he rarely if ever actually damns anything I ask him to anyway, so apparently, even if he does exist, he doesn’t give a goddamn about what I say.
Anyhoo, if you want to steer me away from “taking the Lord’s name in vain,” there is a more convincing argument.

god-s_name_in_vain.jpg

Thanks for writing, and may god bless and/or damn you.
Wm.™ Steven Humphrey

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

6 replies on “I Love Television™ Letter of the Century (the 18th Century, That is)”

  1. I find it hard to believe that anyone who picks up the Mercury whenever she can would be surprised by the use of the word “Goddamn” in your paper.

  2. @dmitrir: my thoughts exactly. And I further doubt that any regular reader would not realize that the Wm.™ Steven Humphrey who writes I Love Television™ is the same Wm.™ Steven Humphrey who edits-in-chief (?… sure) the paper. She probably thought it was the WW.

  6. Goddamn yes and he has the power to expel us from the comment section so am kinda obliged to say this.

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