Some hillbilly in Texas—as opposed to another hillbilly in Florida—decided to burn a Quaran this past weekend, but was foiled by a bunch of protesters, and IN PARTICULAR, a skateboarder who rolled up, stole the Quaran from the hillbilly and skated away. PSYCH! (I think that in honor of this great American hero, all “No Skateboarding Here” signs should be taken down for the day.)
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey

YOINK! Truly God does work in mysterious ways; in this case, through a hipster with a bad mustache and bowl cut. Give him the Medal of Honor
A liberal protester appears to have a “Freedom of Religion” sign. Burning a Quran IS freedom of religion. The liberals are advocating restraint.
America doesn’t understand restraint, which is why we show up to parties uninvited, talking too loudly, hitting on married women and getting obnoxiously punch drunk.
Yay for hitting on married women!