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Ah, Valentine’s Day. This year, Dan will finally teach you how to keep it spicy…very, very spicy. Let’s tuck in.

Inevitable divorce: A man with a history of divorce in his family was chatting with a friend about how he would consider marriage when he could afford to get divorced. But his boyfriend of three years overheard and now there’s hell to pay.

A lesbian bought a delightful dildo to use on her girlfriend. But guess what. They broke up! Does our caller have to throw away the sex toy, still in its box? And does she always have to be the one to buy them?

On the Magnum version of the show, have your Dear John letter written by a pro. Dan talks to Justine Ang Fonte, a ghostwriter who will happily write the texts you dread to send.

And, a...

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...lesbian is in that unenviable position of being the piece on the side. The woman she’s in love with already has a girlfriend and despite the great sex with the caller, won’t break up with anyone.

Love hurts. Oooooh oooooh, love hurts.

Listen here:

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