Born-again ladybug. Credit: GAWKER
Born-again ladybug.
  • GAWKER
  • Born-again ladybug.

JESUS CHRIST! Do we really need to read another dispatch about Christine O’Donnell’s sexual proclivities? Really? Why, actually, yes. Yes we do. Because they’re weird and hysterical, and she’s a major party candidate for the U.S. FUCKING SENATE, and well, they’re also weird and hysterical.

This latest one comes courtesy of Gawker (hat tip to Blogtown tipper Kattie), and it reeks beautifully of desperation and sadness—with a dash of tormented hypocrisy, given how much the would-be Delaware senator likes to talk up chastity and not touching oneself.

In it, a now 28-year-old Philadelphia man describes how he came to lay with a much older (and very aggressive, if very drunk) O’Donnell on Halloween night three years ago. He dishes on a few choice details you’d never want to know about your presumptive senator. But, not to ruin the surprise, they DON’T have sex. They just come close. (And that, more than anything else, is why this is so sad.)

Christine informed me that she was a virgin. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I said. She didn’t explain at the time that she was a “born-again virgin.” She made it seem like she’d never had sex in her life, which seemed pretty improbable for a woman her age.

Predictably, the good-byes were a little awkward.

Denis C. Theriault is the Portland Mercury's News Editor. He writes stories about City Hall and the Portland Police Bureau, focusing on issues like homelessness, police oversight, insider politics, and...

13 replies on “I (Almost) Had Sex with Christine O’Donnell and All I Got Was This Lousy (Actually Pretty Good) Story”

  2. I really desperately wish that the media would just ignore this awful cunt of a woman. Her odds of winning are hovering around 0% (http://elections.nytimes.com/2010/senate/d…). She is a circus sideshow distracting us from actual issues. Fuck, I hope that if I ever run for office that all my past drunken hook-ups don’t become actually policy issues.

    I’m sad that the Merc even deigned to cover this non-story.

  3. I’m with Graham. I am generally all for smutty gossip, and humiliating public figures I detest, but that Gawker piece was a lame waste of time. They didn’t even do it! She didn’t do anything weird!

    But on this subject – I am happy to write blog posts on the times that I did not have sex with Christine O’Donnell. There are many.

  4. Look, I understand how her nomination insults the political system and sends a message that Bible-thumping socially conservative anti-intellectuals are on the rise again. I want her to lose as much as the next person who wants some sanity to remain in the system, but the guy is the one who comes off as a douche here. We already knew she was crazy and a little creepy. He saw pubic hair and lost interest? Yeah, nice try, whiskey dick.

  5. + 1 Graham and Joneser. Sarah Palin’s bizarre life was/is fair game, but O’Donnell doesn’t have much of any shot according to any serious polling. *snicker*

  6. Au contrary, amigos. Christine O’Donnell (and Sharrrrrron Angle and all the rest) is a product of the “Tea Party” movement that is actually being treated with credibility by the press.

    The lunacy of their decision to nominate her over a moderate Republican (who actually could have won) needs to be shouted from the mountaintops. These people are dangerous lunatics, and they need to be forced to eat it on a daily basis.

  9. “I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by. Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest.”

    Am I seriously the only guy in the world that prefers a natural, unshaven vadge? I feel like a gay teenager here.

  12. Let’s see… the guy dresses up as a boy scout for Halloween. He later has a drunk, naked, cougar in his bed but claims she suddenly doesn’t want to have sex, so nothing happens.
    He’s gay.

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