- Image by Erika Moen
[Hello Blogtown, welcome to the second installment of our new sex-and-dating column Let’s Do It! by Bri Pruett. Bri is a Portland comedian whom you’ve seen at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival, Curious Comedy, and Action/Adventure Theater. She’ll be writing about her experiences as a single lady navigating Portland’s occasionally awesome, frequently awful dating scene.- eds]
A lot of us Portland types are burning the candle at both ends. Maybe you work a day job and night job and moderate a Doctor Who message board. Perhaps you are a corporate job-creator type (thanks for moving here!) who works all day in a tie then jogs the esplanade before hitting your recreational sports league, followed by a 10-course microbrew tasting. Maybe you’ve got a kiddo or two and when you aren’t locked up with them you compulsively attend Timbers games and trivia nights.
Or take me: Stand-up comedian, receptionist, karaoke jockey, board member of a non-profit, barista, and most recently, blogger for the Portland Mercury. Seriously, TAKE ME PLEASE!
I’m so busy I don’t even have time to care for a pet. Truth be told I don’t even have time for a plant, I’ve got three houseplants in foster care right now. I’m 29 YEARS OLD AND I HAD TO TAKE MY PLANTS TO MY GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE BECAUSE I KILLED THEM WITH NEGLECT.
These fascinating Portland lifestyles (barf) don’t leave a lot of time for romantic relationships. I think most folks just grab an activity partner or two and cram them in when they can find the time. I describe this practice as “feeding stray cats.” Example “I’ll feed you, kitty, but I can’t afford to take you to the vet and I’m going out of town for 6 days to visit some friends in L.A. See you around, text me!”
I have the need to smooch, cuddle, bang, talk, laugh, and relate with others; what I don’t have is the time and energy to maintain a monogamous relationship, NOT TO MENTION have the social life to support MEETING someone to fulfill all my needs. When I miraculously meet someone who meets my five point criteria (smart/funny/cute/good values/likes me back). I try to let him know what my situation is, and typically, he is super stoked.
I enjoy the stray when he comes around. There’s a give and take. I try not to think too much about who’s been feeding the stray for the past few weeks. I try to focus on the pleasure of sharing myself with another person, though it may be short-lived. Focus on the laughs, the physical sensations, smells/tastes, the beauty of the connection.
If you are picking up what I’m laying down, hear this: Don’t feel guilty. Give generously to those who give generously to you. Thank you for reading! Looking forward to writing my next piece. The subject: BOOTY TEXTS!
Wishing you great love and good sex,
Bri Pruett
“Cram them in” indeed.
I thought females were called comediennes. Am I wrong?
@ujfoyt: Yes, you are incorrect because comedians are called comedians.
Well, that is something people used to do, yes. But kinda like “editrix,” it’s more of an individual choice these days.
Can we just have have the Merc republish excerpts from `The Ethical Slut` every few weeks? It would be simpler than having yet another person’s `funny` take take on the same subject.
“Feeding the stray” doesn’t sound all that great. I suggest “microwaving the leftover buffalo wings.”
Re my previous post: Excuse me for not being hip.
“microwaving the leftover buffalo wings” is much closer to my personal experience in these matters. Indeed.