Straight male, 38, married 16 years. With regards to your May 11th “Savage Love” column. I would like to help clarify some misconceptions that you and your letter writer WASSUP share about the situation WHAT found herself in. I have been on the giving end of accidental anal a handful of times. In fact; the first time that I had sex I accidentally rammed my cock into my future wife’s rectum. Like WHAT, my girlfriend was in terrible pain. Like WHAT’s boyfriend, I was embarrassed and mortified.
I can understand your unfamiliarity with intercourse involving the opposite sex, but WASSUP seemed convinced that every time accidental anal happens it is due to the uncontrolled urges of an uncaring and selfish man. I think WASSUP is projecting her negative experiences with men on all men and that isn’t fair. Every time this has happened to me it was an honest and unintended accident. As I said earlier, the first time it happened was the night I lost my virginity. It happened most recently only six months ago.
The logistics: This most often occurs in the missionary position or a variation there of. It is a result of vigorous thrusting, and probably occurs more often with men who are “shorter” than average. In order to get maximum thrust the man needs to pull his penis out so that only the head is in the vaginal canal. If the man is on the shorter side of average, this can result in the entire penis being removed. Because the thrusting is fast and furious you are not always aware that your penis is completely out, and when you thrust back, the penis sometimes goes astray. This is exacerbated by the missionary position which can point the penis downward slightly. Accidental anal is a real thing. Characterizing it as always an intentional, selfish act that borders on sexual assault is wrong.
If a young woman took what WASSUP said to heart, she may view what was a clumsy accident as an assault on her body. That view could be emotionally damaging to both parties. If this happens to a woman, she needs to evaluate it from the perspective of her relationship. If her partner is a generally caring, compassionate, and truthful person, take them at their word. If her partner is generally a selfish, uncaring jerk and “accidental” anal happens then, to quote a wise man, the woman should DTMFA.
Only Understanding Can Help
To summarize:
#NotAllMenWhoHaveAnallyPenetratedTheirFemalePartnersWithoutAskingOrPreppingAnallyDidSoOnPurpose.
That said, OUCH, WHAT’s partner has accidentally penetrated her anally four times in the space of a single year. Although WHAT says she likes vigorous/rough sex (a detail I shouldn’t have omitted from her question), quarterly accidental anal seems like an awful lot of accidental anal. To paraphrase Lady Bracknell: To penetrate one anus accidentally, Mr. OUCH, may be regarded as a misfortune; to “accidentally” penetrate one anus four times in a single year looks like rapeyness.
WHAT is free to make up her own mind, of course, and she can and should take what she knows of her boyfriend’s character into account. (Is he, per OUCH, a generally caring, compassionate, and truthful person?) This is advice, not binding arbitration. She should also, per moi, glue a tack to the base of a butt plug.
I thought your response to UPITT in this week’s column was super on point. As a woman, I’m always on lookout for threats, specifically those with both X and Y chromosomes. As far as not finding a good bi girl, let UPITT know we are definitely out there. Maybe the problem is that I live in the Bible Belt, but finding a man who is open to MMF threesomes is nigh impossible. I don’t know how many times I have resigned myself to good ol’ fashion monogamy when what really want is an open-minded kinky bi man.
Hard Up BI Babe Answering
P.S. There is no accidental anal. Thanks for a the clarification on your part.
Since it’s only been a guy that has defended accidental anal, how about from a woman’s perspective? About once a month, my husband will accidentally anal me. I know it’s an accident and he’s learned to pull back when the slip happens.
You see, sometimes a woman gets wet enough that it’s a slip ‘n slide down there already. If you’re having sex in missionary at the right angle, the guy’s penis will rub against the back wall of the vagina. Take the above and add long, fast strokes where the head is barely between the labia, it’s easy to see how a penis could follow the wrong slip ‘n slide right in.
My husband LOVES that position and loves to fuck me with those strokes. I’m not a fan of the position, but I’m GGG of it. When he’s really into it and just enjoying it, he slips. The first time or two, he did go in my ass. He felt terrible. Now if it happens, he’ll realize it and move so it doesn’t go in. Between both of us quickly moving, it’ll only press against rectum. Still hurts and sex is still over (he doesn’t get to finish), but I’m not getting fully penetrated.
My advice for the original lady is to talk to her boyfriend and set boundaries. Yes slipping happens, but there are consequences for it.
Not All Men Want Sneaky Anal
Really, Dan? You don’t think anal happens by accident? I’m surprised and dismayed you’re stuck in a mutually exclusive perspective (there is no accidental anal)—BOTH accidental and “accidental” happen! I can testify to a legit accident: roughish sex with vigorous thrusting, accidental full withdrawal, she zigged, I zagged right at the wrong moment of fast re-insertion. Oops. Trauma. Not fun. But an accident!
Raise Your Game
