I don’t know… IT’S FRIDAY. So I figured you’d enjoy seeing some totally safe-for-work* hillbilly pornography featuring a farmer getting a “goat massage.” You may be thrilled or disappointed that there is a “happy ending” —in that the farmer isn’t killed by the goats. (Though I’m pretty sure those are poops on his back. Old farmer dude? YOU AM KINKY!!)

* While there are no dirty words, the audio for this thing sounds EXTREMELY FILTHY out of context.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

4 replies on “Today in Hillbilly Pornography: Goat Massage”

  1. Next thing you know, this guy’s going to want to gay marry these gay goats and have gay man-goat babies with them. It’s all a slippery slope, people. Slippery slope.

  4. That is the best idea I’ve seen in a long time. Goats love to be higher than other goats and will stay there as long as you want, so keep this in mind… before you pay a masseuse for a measly half-hour, remember there’s no limit to how long you can hang out with the goats at the Oregon Zoo.

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