Das Boot!
Das Boot!
  • Das Boot!

In case you missed the news, the Portland Trail Blazers’ LaMarcus Aldridge—the eventual all-star and the team’s best player not named Brandon Roy—left last night’s 103-99 victory over the Los Angeles Clippers with a left ankle injury. He is currently in “a boot” and is listed as questionable for Saturday’s game against the Golden State Warriors.

When Nicolas Batum was lost for months with a shoulder injury before the season started, it was very disappointing. Then Travis Outlaw (foot) and Rudy Fernandez (back) joined the ranks of injured players, things became upsetting. Greg Oden was next, and that was just downright sad. When Joel Przybilla’s knee snapped into tiny pieces, well that is when things officially became ridiculous. Oh yeah, Coach McMillan rupture his Achilles, coach Maurice Lucas has bladder cancer, owner Paul Allen is battling non-Hodgins lymphoma, and team mascot Blaze the Trail Cat is emotionally wounded following a breakup with this thing*. An injury to Aldridge—which appears less severe than the ailments of some of his teammates—only solidifies my theory about the team: gypsy curse!

Clearly someone in the Portland Trail Blazers organization stole the precious precious gold from the mouth of an elderly gypsy witch, and ever since that moment the team has been cursed. How else could you possibly explain the team’s terrible luck? It’s all her fault.

* probably not true.

Ezra Ace Caraeff is the former Music Editor for the Mercury, and spent nearly a third of his life working at the paper. More importantly, he is the owner of Olive, the Mercury’s unofficial office dog....

6 replies on “Another Day, Another Blazers Injury”

  1. Maybe someone needs to bathe the locker rooms, practice facilities, basketball court and everything else in holy water. Or maybe an exorcism might help.

  4. will someone anywhere relevant please inquire whether or not the trainers are not doing their job? SER-I-OUS-LY.

    There you go. Investigative journalism–the saving grace of print journalism. Wouldn’t portland love the mercury forever if it found out what was going on? figure it outtttt!

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