Is the Blazers’ “Blaze the Trail Cat” Even a Cat? (An Ian Karmel Special Twitter Report)

LOOK. If you’re not following former Mercury columnist and LA’s brightest bon vivant Ian Karmel on Twitter… well, I just can’t even with you anymore. Because Ian is the only person on this goddamn planet brave enough to blow the whistle on the biggest Portland controversy of our time: Is the Blazers’ “Blaze the Trail Cat” even a cat? (Take the poll, but there’s even more incontrovertible truth after the jump.)

Since it’s the NBA off-season, we need to talk about something. Trail Blazers mascot Blaze the Trail “Cat” is absolutely not a cat. I don’t know what Blaze is, but not a cat. pic.twitter.com/scPMzBFXgN
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

From certain angles, Blaze looks like a wolf or perhaps a coyote – which is a perfectly acceptable mascot. Oregon has both wolves and coyotes. We also have cats, but nowhere has “Trail Cats” as those are not a thing. pic.twitter.com/E3DHdlB26v
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

Look at this picture, with Blaze posing with a real cat and an acceptable cartoon depiction of a cat. Blaze resembles neither. pic.twitter.com/JkNyZKTgKl
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

Blaze is indoctrinating the minds of children to establish, early on, that he is indeed a cat. This is classic brainwashing, you see it in cults all the time. pic.twitter.com/m3l0ZdS4kk
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

Some would have you believe that Blaze is a mountain lion. Here’s a picture of Blaze and a picture of a mountain lion. He’s a lion, alright. A’lyin’ about being a cat. pic.twitter.com/MlYKJWB1Et
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

So that leaves us with a question… if not a cat, what IS Blaze? I have three theories, the FIRST:

Blaze is a goat. He’s Blaze the Trail Goat. pic.twitter.com/a3vXMEu0hm
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

SECOND:

Blaze is a labradoodle. Blaze the Trail Labradoodle. pic.twitter.com/4UWuNj6pCM
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

And my final theory, and the one that I believe in my heart to be true:

Blaze is Raymond Felton. Look at the fat face, the chubby cheeks, the bottom teeth. Why is Blaze always wearing warmups? To hide the belly.

OPEN YOUR EYES. THIS WHOLE TIME IT’S BEEN BLAZE THE TRAIL FELTON pic.twitter.com/iVQwaO9WHL
— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) May 3, 2018

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