Hey guys! Guess what?? I just bought the Mercury a LIVE BEAR on eBay!! As you know, we’ve been in dire need of a half-way decent mascot for quite a while now (Sorry Ezra, but pugs don’t make decent doorstops, let alone mascots), and get a load of the one I scored! His name is Miguel the Mercury Bear, and not only can he turn flips, and say “up yours” in sign language, HE PLAYS THE MOTHER-EFFING TRUMPET, YO!
And can you believe it—he only cost $25 bones! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY IN MERCURY HISTORY! THIS BEAR WILL BE THE BEST… hold on… just reading the fine print on eBay here… hmmmm… turns out he mauled and eviscerated everyone on this soccer team. Okay… well… anybody want to buy a slightly used bear? HE PLAYS THE TRUMPET!!
Hola, Deadspin!
It never ceases to amaze me that people think they can tame a wild animal, like a bear. I’ve even heard about people keeping lions and tigers. They are a WILD animal, and sooner or later, they will turn on you. Not like Howard the Duck.
Great, another unemployed bear in Portland.
By the way, what ever happened to trivia cat? Was he/she/it broken beyond repair? Inquiring minds want to know.