Last week Sports Illustrated released its annual Swimsuit Issue, featuring lots of pictures of women in swimsuits. “Who cares?” I thought. It’s like the Victoria’s Secret catalog, completely outdated in the modern era. But I was wrong. The issue brings in over a billion dollars a year.
What the hell? Haven’t you guys seen the Internet? You don’t need to spend $7 to see women in swimsuits anymore. That’s over.
On March 4 a landlord in Maryland is going to trial on charges he placed spy cameras in his apartments and watched tenants undress and have sex. HAVEN’T YOU GUYS SEEN THE INTERNET? You don’t need to go to jail to watch grainy footage of people screwing. That’s over.
Back in January, a Portland man got into the act when he was arrested for (allegedly) using a spy pen to videotape a coworker using a breast pump. That one’s especially disturbing to me because [a] Ew. [b] If you want to see women breast feeding, just hang out in any coffee shop in the Pearl for an hour. And [c] HAVEN’T ANY OF YOU GUYS SEEN THE FREAKING INTERNET??!?
Let’s save perverts from jail right now by spreading the word: There is an Internet and it’s pretty much aimed directly at you. So stop buying dirty overpriced magazines and grossly invading people’s privacy.
One of the most popular searches in Google’s search bar is “www.facebook.com.” People don’t know how to use the Internet.
You can spew preggers pudding all over your keyboard if you want, Alex. Some of us can afford a magazine.
Buying a magazine is not in any way the equivalent of surreptitiously filming someone partially nude.