Dear “Technology”: Go eff yourself.

First, our entire Mercury server went kablooey, and we lost everything we were working on for this coming week’s print edition. (Not that anything we were working on was all that great… but that’s hardly the point!) Second, the blog posting program we use has been acting like my Alzheimer-infested Grandma. I ask it to bring up a new entry, and it’s like, “EH?? Gentry? What’s a gentry?” Then after I finally publish it, the post mysteriously disappears hours later! And third, OMG, is the freaking internet SLOOOOOOOW today or what?? I’ve been trying to illegally download an mp3 of the Spin Doctors’ “Two Princes” FOR THE LAST FOUR HOURS. Goddammit, what’s taking so fawking long?!? Is it traveling through time from 1992??

So EFF YOU, technology! Today you can kiss my sunburned ass (I did some nude sunbathing this weekend, FYI). I’m done freaking waiting around for you, and refuse to use any part of you for the next three hours! (Except of course for YouTube, and this equally slow to download video of “Two Princes.” Eff you too, YouTube!!)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=d43U0OeWg3Q%26hl%3Den_US%26fs%3D1

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

10 replies on “I Rebuke Thee, Technology!!”

  1. I used to live on the same block as your office, and when I really needed to listen to Spin Doctors, I just went over to Everyday. They usually have at least three copies of Pocket Full of Kryptonite, and the scratched ones only cost $4.

    Just because the technology exists doesn’t mean you’re obligated to use it.

  3. So last week you just copy the WW “best of” issue, and this week “the server ate your homework”.

    Methinks there’s an outbreak of Summer-itis in the Merc offices…

  5. Whelp, whoever was jumping up and down about the lack of a nightly server backup policy not taking priority is probably pretty frustrated right now. (was anyone jumping up and down?)

  7. I LOVE THE SPIN DOCTORS, THEY’RE THE BEST. JAM BAND. EVER!!!! OMG!!! I hope WSH wasn’t being sarcastic about his professed love for SD b/c that would be devastating.

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