Dear Kids of America:
YOU ARE STOOPID!
Look, I know that it’s “cool” to read newspapers and all your friends are doing it. But facts are facts: By the time you get to college, there won’t even BE newspapers! That’s why you should pick up on this “internet” tip and fast. Besides… wait. What the fuck am I doing? There aren’t even any kids reading this because they’re too fucking stupid to learn how to surf the web! PARENTS AND ADULTS! Can you puh-leeze show the following video to the child in your household or windowless cargo van? Thanks.
Fucking kids.
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
OMG! Blonde woman actually said, “cyber-net”!!! Too radical!
Wait…. Something seems fishy here… why was there Barbarian Porn on the screen?
Ever seen Tim & Eric’s bit for “The Internette”?
“The Internet can take you to far off places to meet new people!”