Hello my little Trash Pandas, and welcome to The Trash Report! It's your girl, Elinor Jones, coming to you live from a rainbow T-shirt I bought at Target, which is not an act of defiance (or even really allyship, because capitalism is inherently harmful to marginalized communities), but it is kinda cool that wearing said rainbow T-shirt might piss off someone who sucks. I hope you are enjoying the early days of PRIDE month by being joyous and thoughtful while centering queer voices. (Or your own voice, if that's you!)

If you need any inspiration to get your head in the gayme, Jezebel has a great roundup of both successful and unsuccessful #pridemonth social media posts, the best being Kim Cattrall's announcement that she was reviving her Sex and the City character Samantha Jones for a brief cameo in the HBO spinoff And Just Like That, cementing her status as an queer icon who knows what the people want and need, and the worst being major league baseball who could only make it one day with their rainbow avatar, cementing baseball's status as the least gay major league sport.

Now, onto the gossip!

He's Got... Oberyn Martell Eyes

Beloved daddy Pedro Pascal was on a Hollywood Reporter actor roundtable where he and others talked about weird fan interactions. Both of them seemed pretty gracious, which I certainly would not have been if I were Pascal: He shared that fans kept trying to recreate the moment his Game of Thrones' character Oberyn Martell got his eyes gouged out by sticking their grubby thumbs in Pascal's eyes after he agreed to take a photo with them to the extent that he got literal eye infections. Can you imagine?! The nerve! And ew, gross! This must say something about Pascal's approachability that they'd even try. I really doubt fans of Sean Bean (Ned Stark) would try to cut off his head. Or would they try to attack Iwan Rheon (Ramsay Bolton) with dogs? You gonna pretend to be a zombie attacking Bella Ramsay (Lyanna Mormont)? Get a grip, people. Or rather: Don't.

Speaking of people trying to ruin things, Wednesday star Jenna Ortega was recently papped smoking a cigarette, and then her own mom tried to shame her by posting on social media about the dangers of cigarettes. Which like, as a parent, yes, I understand the compulsive need to keep our children safe and use every moment as a teaching moment. But as a permanent teenager, honestly, isn't making our parents mad kind of the point of smoking cigarettes? People look cool smoking because it makes their parents hate it. Jenna's mom just made each cigarette a thousand times more delicious. Don't smoke—but if you do, make sure it makes your mom mad. That's how you know you're doing it right.

Newsy News

The American economy has added a lot of jobs since Joe Biden took the wheel, and our tiny horny grandmother Dr. Ruth got real about what it means:

I've yet to see Dr. Ruth not manage to sexualize any piece of news. Remember early in COVID when she told us lockdowns would be okay, because we could all have sex all the time? I'm flattered she thought any of us could have used that time for being horny and not just drinking too much and watching all of television, which is definitely what I was doing.  

In other news, several more Republicans either have or are about to throw their red baseball caps into the ring seeking the Republican presidential nomination. Chris Christie, Mike Pence, Nikki Haley, Tim Scott, and Ron DeSantis—as well as disgraced former president Donald Trump himself—have either formally announced their candidacy or been dancing around it. Trump did a lot of damage to American institutions, and one thing he totally FUBARed for me is the absolute glee I used to experience during primary season when power-thirsty Republicans would tear each other apart and debase themselves. Because last time they did that, Trump came out on top, and I feel like he might again, so now it's not fun anymore, it's just stressful. Thanks a lot, Trump. First you ruined golden toilets for me, and now this!

Foundational Gossip

Through Lainey Gossip I was blessed with this link to a 2004 People Magazine roundup of that year's notable breakups and hookups, and it's outrageous for how foundational some of those pairings/unpairings have been to so much celebrity news that we enjoy today! For real, 2004 was the year of the demise of Bennifer 1.0 (with Ben Affleck and J. Lo) and the beginning of Bennifer 2.0 (with Jennifer Garner) as well as the beginning of J. Lo's relationship with Marc Anthony. Despite both of those romances resulting in long marriages and children, it's so clear now that they were trying to out-rebound each other. BTW, since Ben and J. Lo are back together again, do we call that relationship Bennifer 1.1? Bennifer 1, a? Anyway, this was also the year Lindsay Lohan and Wilmer Valderrama broke up, kicking off Lilo's wild child era, and the year that Britney married K. Fed, kicking off all of our wearing-tracksuits-with-words-on-the-butt-at-weddings era. What a time to be alive. #neverforget 

Some more old gossip that is important to me and whoever else spent a good portion of the 90s wearing out their VHS of Wayne's World is that Mike Meyers almost single-handedly ruined the movie and was probably the reason that the sequel sucked. The first film's director Penelope Spheeris told The Hollywood Reporter that while filming the first movie was relatively low-drama (aside from Meyers getting hangry, which like, relatable), after the film Meyers gave the studio 10 pages of notes about all the ways he wanted the movie changed, including such boneheaded suggestions as cutting the scene when they all sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the Mirthmobile, which has since become a touchstone of American comedy. In a heroic display of female excellence, Spheeris rejected Meyers's changes, resulting in her not getting brought back to direct the sequel, which again, sucked.

I gotta go now, but I hope that you have a gorgeous week in honor of this newest member of the LGBTQIA community: