Hi everybody, I'm Elinor Jones, and this is the Trash Report. The other day I found a DIVINE '90s rock station on Spotify, which was a great reminder of a simpler time. Then the Everclear banger "Santa Monica" came on, and my partner said "I wonder where Everclear came from," which was a frank reminder that he is not from Portland, as knowing that "Everclear is from here" is part of the essence of the air we breathe. Sometimes it can be hard to be in a cross-cultural relationship. (He is from Washington.)

Anyway, now we are going to review several things that have happened recently in the news and pop culture and scratch our heads together like, whoa, what the hell?!? 

Forever Warmonger

Donald Trump bombed Iran on Saturday. I don't love this for us at all! This is a developing story. Hopefully by next week I'll have a cute and funny take on it but right now I'm honestly pretty freaked out!!!!!!

There's a non-zero chance this is happening because he didn't like his parade.

— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnsonbooks.com) June 22, 2025 at 10:58 AM

A lot of Democrats have been out there like "he can't do this, it's illegal!" as if that matters at all. He already did it. Nobody stopped him. If Plan A is being concerned, what is Plan B? Being very concerned? You'd think party elders with nothing to lose would be out there advocating against this, but former president Bill Clinton is instead out there endorsing disgraced former New York governor and current NYC mayoral candidate Andrew Cuomo, because there is nothing old white men love more than protecting each other, everyone else be damned. Cuomo thanked Clinton, calling him "a hero." Which I get, because Clinton also committed sexual misconduct in office and went on to rebuild his brand. 

Elsewhere in the administration that seems to be making decisions based on what the bad guys in any disaster movie would do, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem was rushed to the hospital last week, one day after going to a biohazard facility with Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr and Senator Rand Paul. Noem's camp said it was an allergic reaction to something, and it was unrelated to her visit to the biohazard facility, and unfortunately, she is fine now. But I don't buy this for a second. You know RFK Jr must have been going crazy in that biohazard place like a kid in a candy shop. So many contagions everywhere! He was like, yum-yum-yum, opening all the drawers, touching stuff he wasn't supposed to touch, insisting "we're actually all immune to ebola because that bone marrow tea I gave you on the plane was actually made out of a dead snake I found in Uganda; here Kristi, try this." 

Two Most Wanted

Blech, current events are horrible!! I'm so sorry to have wasted so many words on them; I'm trying to process some stuff and I needed someone on that ride with me. Speaking of shotgun riders, attendees of Beyonce's Paris concert last week got a surprise visit from Miley Cyrus and together they performed "Two Most Wanted." So freaking lucky!! Concert-goers had access to two of our best Americans while not actually being in America—truly the dream! Cyrus wrote about the show on Instragram, saying how happy she was to sing their "song about friendship," which is hilarious because it's the most lesbian country song ever recorded. It's a song about friendship as much as that one uncle whose live-in male assistant happens to be hot and well-groomed is just a confirmed bachelor who never found the right girl.  

Elsewhere in the music world, Cardi B just dropped a new single called "Outside" just in time for summer which includes the incredible line "can't wait to see your momma, tell her how she raised a bitch." It also uses the n-word many, many times, so until there is a radio-friendly version, my fellow whites should probably not blast it from their car window, even if it's really hot out.

the accuracy (via @midheavens.bsky.social)

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— shauna (@goldengateblond.bsky.social) June 21, 2025 at 11:15 AM

And in boomer music news, the legendary Barbra Streisand keeps insisting that she can't remember if she had sex with Warren Beatty or not. She also says that regardless of sex they may or may not have had, they are still friends, and he calls her every year on her birthday. Which means they talk, and if she wanted to know, she could simply ask him. So it's not just that she doesn't know, which is cool, it's that she doesn't care, which is a million times cooler. 

Conditionally

Katy Perry has really been getting dragged lately and I hate to pile on to that (kinda), but the latest news is too good to not discuss here with you, my best friends: Rumors have been swirling for a while that her relationship with Orlando Bloom is all but over, and the latest from Page Six is that Bloom was embarrassed by Perry's girls' trip to space and they argued about it so fiercely that that's what might be the nail in the coffin. Or the loose screw in the spaceship, as it were. So Orlando is mad at Katy for the flight, but Katy is mad at Orlando because he's going to go to Jeff Bezos's wedding without her because she'll be on tour even though they're her friends! That is honestly diabolical. Orlando briefly could have claimed some moral high ground, but he clearly wants to be a petty bitch, and I hope their friends continue taking sides and leaking stories about the mess to the press. Now this is camp! 

“i asked chat gpt” “i asked grok” Jeeves would kill you where you stand

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred.bsky.social) June 17, 2025 at 7:22 AM

Girl, So Confusing Cool

Iconic comedian Margaret Cho went on one on her Insta recently about how good Portland is at protesting, and how she comes here specifically to protest because we put on such a good one. At first when I started watching I thought she was making fun of us, such was her praise and enthusiasm, and then I realized that no, she actually likes being amongst us with our masks and our swearing and our likelihood of getting tear-gassed. This is so cool! Except now at every protest I'm going to keep checking to see if Margaret Cho is next to me. Also: she recently went on the Kelly Mantle podcast and told the best story I have ever heard: So Ellen DeGeneres has been getting called out for YEARS for being extremely mean. And Cho and DeGeneres have known each other for decades, having come up at the same time in the comedy world. And Cho said that she went on Ellen's show in the 2000s and Ellen acted like they just met. Girl! But more evil than that is that David Fucking Bowie was also on Ellen and he raved about how Cho had gone to his concert wearing a baller Chinese emperor outfit and how it was so badass and cool and Ellen cut it from the episode. 🤯 GIRL!!!! Orlando Bloom is like pre-school petty compared to what is happening here. Margaret Cho is going to have a line around the damn city of Portland of who is ready to be in a "song about friendship" with her. You know we ride for you, Margaret. 

You know, ever since I was a little girl, I knew I would talk shit, so I'm so glad to have spent this time together. Next weekend is my birthday, so I might not write a column, but in my honor I want you to get an aperol spritz and sit down with a bestie and say "you'll never BELIEVE what I just heard."

Young at heartly,