Hello Trash Pandas, and happy December! ’Tis I, Elinor Jones. Christmas has exploded in my home, with decorations that are a combination of vintage keepsakes my mom kept from my childhood and random crap my daughter insisted we buy from Freddie's. It's pure chaos and I will love it for the next three weeks and not a second longer. (Can you tell I'm a Cancer?) I don't have much more to say by way of an introductory paragraph today, so let's get to trashin', eh? 

National Trash

Trump was caught dozing in a cabinet meeting last week. This is irritating to me because I don't want anyone to think that my "This meeting could have been a nap!" mug is in any way referring to him. Then House Speaker Mike Johnson went on to claim that he himself has to work 18 hours a day because Trump works 21 hours a day. I mean, if he sleeps at work, and we count sleeping as working, then yeah, I mean, I guess?

Perhaps more embarrassing news came from investigations into the Signal group chat from earlier this year, where Pete Hegseth leaked classified military plans. When the thread was again under scrutiny, it was discovered that Vice President J.D. Vance returned to it on March 25—at two in the morning—and wrote, "This chat's kind of dead. Anything going on?" When this was first reported on, it sounded like Vance was pathetically reaching out and coming to the realization that a second group chat had been formed without him in it, which was hilarious, because he's a loser. However, it appears that he returned to the chat after news of the scandal broke to try to make a joke, which is even more pathetic. Plenty of people have a hard time making friends at work but nobody is that deeply unfunny. 

Consolidation of Creation

Netflix is buying Warner Bros and HBO Max, and I didn't pay close enough attention to Succession to understand why media mergers like this are bad, but I don't think a plan enacted to increase shareholder value is going to be great for the film industry or the artists who work in it. 

Speaking of the enshittification of creative work, Spotify rolled out everybody's Wrappeds this past week, which served as a great reminder to me that I was supposed to have canceled my Spotify months ago. There are other ways to stream music that pays artists more and do not run ads for ICE or funding AI drones. I won't lie, I had been dragging on doing this, but I have now officially pulled the plug. I did peek at my Wrapped before doing so, and discovered that my most streamed song of 2025 was "Africa" by Toto, which is shocking to me as I can't remember a time when my family wasn't listening to something from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

bugs bunny was literally the first guy in drag i ever saw but ok

[image or embed]

— shauna (@goldengateblond.bsky.social) December 5, 2025 at 5:55 PM

Women Said: Not Today, Men

Halle Berry recently spoke at an event and called out California Governor Gavin Newsom—who was there, in attendance—for vetoing funding for a menopause bill. Of the veto, she said: "But that’s okay, ’cause he’s not going to be governor forever. And with the way he’s overlooked women, half the population, by devaluing us in midlife, he probably should not be our next president either." Gavin Newsom has received some accolades for being one of the only Democrats to get under Trump's skin, and while it's commendable, I think he thinks he can coast into the White House on his hair and bone structure alone. We can't let that happen. Newsom has responded, saying that there is funding for the bill next year and this was ~totally~ already in the works before Berry put him on blast. Uh huh. Sure, Jan.

And speaking of women throwing down, Sabrina Carpenter told the White House to fuck off after they kept trying to use her songs or lyrics in their social media. (They're so mad that the only celebrities who like them are extremely lame and irrelevant, like Kid Rock and Kelsey Grammer.) Carpenter was recently honored as Variety's Hitmaker of the Year, advising in her acceptance speech to "call men stupid in as many ways as you can." Get to work, girls.

Two Good Men

Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang of pop culture podcast Las Culturistas will write and star in a movie based on two dudes trying to get into Berlin night club Berghain.  This is exciting, but the truth is, the two of them could be writing and starring in a movie about unloading the dishwasher and every fun gay and loud woman in a very specific age bracket (mine) would line up. If you're reading this on Monday, I will be in recovery from having gone to Rogers' "Christmas in December" show last night at the Aladdin. Let's pause the column for three minutes to enjoy my favorite Christmas song and music video:

Men in the (Not Current) News

American treasure Guy Fieri shared a story about how when he was a kid, he used to roam his small town's downtown shaking down tourists for snacks, and eventually his fed up parents made him wear a shirt that said "Do not feed me." This is like the human version of when people put notes on their outside cats' collars saying "I have a home, I just meow a lot." 

Similarly, these next two little things aren't current events, but I only recently learned about them—and if this column is good for anything, it's to give you little bits of trivia to have in your pocket to share at holiday parties, to the delight of your cousin's new boyfriend or that coworker that you don't really know or frankly care to.

First thing, did you know that Richard Gere was banned from the Oscars in 1993 for speaking out for Tibetan independence?! It's true! He was hit with a 20-year ban for being "too political." HOWEVER, he was allowed to return once, in 2003, when Chicago was up for a bunch of awards, which is a reminder of the power of an effective movie musical adaptation.

Second thing, the voice actor of Frosty in the original Frosty the Snowman movie, Jackie Vernon, had multiple secret families. Imagine an artist—a voice artist, no less—making enough money to start not just one but multiple families. Also, in each new family, whenever a first son was born, he'd name that son Ralph, which was his own birth name. This is sad, but it does make me wonder if more than one Ralph would be referred to as "Ralves." His little Ralves. 

Deceptions

Page Six ran this headline: "Bianca Censori covers face with spandex shorts before getting parking ticket." This woman has worn some dumb shit, but I'd never seen her wear dumb shit while getting a parking ticket, so I eagerly clicked through. Alas, she is just holding the shorts up to her face; they're not pulled over her head like a double balaclava. Don't bother clicking on that link; you'll be disappointed just like I was.

Pantone declared its "Color of the Year," and it's white. This is not a color so much as an absence of color. Of joy. Of life. Apt, but depressing. 

Trash Pandas in the News

You know everyone I know shared the story with me about This Diva. It's good to have a brand.

Drunk raccoon found passed out in Virginia liquor store

[image or embed]

— The Guardian (@theguardian.com) December 3, 2025 at 10:22 AM

Local News (NOT Trash News)

I want to take a second to boost Suzette's coverage of the newly revamped Portland Art Museum and brag that I got to chaperone a trip there with my kid's class (yeah, I'll exploit my child for access, and what of it?) and it is beautiful. It felt big and open without ever feeling overwhelming. And if you really want to savor it, you might want to call ahead and make sure it's not a field trip day. I tried to keep my group in line, but good luck keeping a bunch of 9-year-olds quiet when some of the statues have visible butts.

Artfully,