[Cue "Sad Hulk" song.]
[Cue Sad Hulk song.]

At long last, the New York Times has finally reviewed Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, a “national joke” of a show that critic Ben Brantley writes is “so grievously broken in every respect that it is beyond repair.”

Brantley—who, I’m guessing, would be having fun being so mean if he didn’t seem so incredibly weary and saddened by the whole thing—notes that Turn Off the Dark is a show with “choreography [that’s] pure vintage MTV,” a show whose U2-penned songs are a “sustained electronic twang of varying volume, increasing and decreasing in intensity, like a persistent headache,” and a show that features a “geek chorus” who “discuss the heady philosophical implications of Spider-Man’s identity while making jokes in which the notion of free will is confused with the plot of the movie Free Willy.”

Sweet jesus, I want to see this thing so bad. Read Brantley’s whole review here.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

2 replies on “The Best Theater Review You’ll Ever Read”

  2. I’d go see this show if halfway through Spidey gets jumped by Wesker, Amaterasu and Felicia.

    Hell, I’d go see it if it was just Felicia reading the phone book.

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