Unnnggghhh… our long national nightmare of soccer and Wimbledon is almost over which means the summer’s new shows are FINALLY coming out to play. Check out I Love Television™ for a breathless roundup of the shit-ton of shows debuting and returning this week… starting tonight with CBS’ Extant (9 pm)—starring Halle Berry as an astronaut who returns from a solo mission in space mysteriously impregnated… by an evil monster, I assume? Check the trailer.

That’s followed by a show that was in my top five of last year, the brilliantly dark The Bridge (10 pm, FX)—in which a flawed Texas gal cop and her also-flawed Mexican partner team up again to solve another mysterious murder… this time it’s a south of the border cartel boss. Behold, the trailer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=//www.youtube.com/embed/rReGona8sks

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)