Let’s take a quick visit to the quaint “olden days,” shall we? Back in the 1970s, the networks were scared poop-less over a growing menace known as “pay TV” AKA “cable TV.” That’s why they decided to make the following PSA which compares pay TV to monsters—because just like today, the networks are nothing if not subtle.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)