Though I was hoping for a touch more from this machine gun-edited new trailer for American Horror Story (season premiere October 17 on FX!), there’s still much to be said for the inclusion of “eyelid retractors.” The Mercury‘s pair is in the shop… I’m forced to use toothpicks. CHECK IT OUT!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)