I now get more excited for the newest installments of Jimmy Kimmel’s “Mean Tweets” than I do for my old fave “Between Two Ferns” (Sorry Zach!). But C’MON!! Seeing celebrities read terrible things written about them by terrible people is a glorious sight to behold… especially when it’s Ashton Kutcher, and when the tweet-writer is absolutely RIGHT. Watch! These are soooooo good.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)