Just the other day I was thinking, “There is absolutely NO REASON for continuing this stupid ‘Miss America pageant’ nonsense!” As usual… I was wrong. Meet Miss Ohio, Mackenzie Bart, and her very creepy (and amazing) ventriloquist act. (Check under your bed before going to sleep tonight… there’s a strong possibility that dummy will be under there.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=//www.youtube.com/embed/LKqU6bAVQVI

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)