As we know, Nextdoor is the neighborhood social media app for important alerts about lost cats, racist rants, teenagers sniffing drugs, creepy dolls being left in backyards, and people who need to borrow a lemon. However, it’s also a clearing house for paranoids who freak out about homeless people “stealing” cans from their recycling, and, especially lately, coyotes.
Increasingly, coyotes have been spotted roaming the Sellwood-Westmoreland neighborhood, and since there’s also been an uptick of complaints about houseless people, I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone made an insane attempt to link the two. Cue the Sellwood Nextdoor site:
Wow! Okay let’s break this down:
• It’s never a good idea to start your argument by shitting on your audience’s neighborhood. It also doesn’t help to mention you no longer live in that neighborhood, and therefore have no business commenting on it.
• His argument that homeless people are forcing coyotes into surrounding neighborhoods has a few problems! Such as…
A) Most homeless people who live in this area reside on the far side of Oaks Bottom, closer to downtown and social services. Since animals do not need social services, they tend to live much deeper in the forest.
B) Families of deer also live in Oaks Bottom, and homeless people don’t seem to be scaring them into nearby neighborhoods. How do I know? I’ve never seen a single deer trying to eat my cat.
C) I’ve also never seen a homeless person eating my cat.
D) Oaks Bottom is located directly next to Oaks Amusement Park, which features very loud rides (like the Scream’n Eagle) and thousands of squealing children every year. I’m no animal scientist, but I imagine that a coyote would be less threatened by a homeless person sleeping in a tent, than a screaming child vomiting on his parents.
• The Nextdoor author then says, “You want [the coyotes] out of your neighborhood solve the homeless problem!” This is like saying, “If you want ink pens to stop leaking in your shirt pocket, then get North Korea to dismantle their nuclear weapons program!”
• “I’m just being honest. [Coyotes] feel the same way,” said the coyote-whisperer. When contacted by the Mercury for a response, Phillip the Coyote said, “(Nom, nom, nom.) I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. I have a cat in my mouth. (Nom, nom, nom.)”
• The Nextdoor author concludes by saying, “[Coyotes] are being pushed out of their safe haven into a whole new environment.” Phillip the Coyote responds, “(Nom, nom, nom.) Thanks for your very important alert on Nextdoor. Can you publish this one for me? ‘Dear Nextdoor neighbors: Can I please borrow a lemon? I’d like to squeeze it on the internal organs of your cat. Also, LOOK OUT! A homeless person is stealing your cans!’ (Nom, nom, nom.)”
WOW. This is front page news? Must be a slow news day with NOTHING better to report other than someone on NextDoor complaining about the homeless.
I wonder how many homeless people Mr. Humphrey is housing on his own property? None? Hmm… seems to be such a whacked-out defender of ALL the negative behavior some homeless engage in, you’d think he’d have a little tent city set up in his backyard.
Even Mr. Humphrey is a NIMBY!
pretty thin soup here. hard to separate the lazy joke article from news when it’s published like this.
few questions here:
why might there be more coyotes in neighborhood? are there actually more coyotes in certain hoods? do homeless camps in natural areas have impacts on the local ecosystems (hey could be neat article!)? should a decent journalist write snarky humor articles? could there be things outside of the authors speculation that might explain the situation? could a person who knows about the topic be consulted? is the author interested in coyotes, homeless issues, quality humor or social network discourse and norms?
Coyotes are hunters and scavengers. They will be attracted to places with prey (including residential neighborhoods, as they will absolutely hunt and eat cats and small dogs), as well as places with other food supplies, including food waste left out. Plenty of housed people create food waste as litter, but it also wouldn’t be at all surprising if there were a correlation/causation with the food waste generated by encampments and an uptick in coyote presence (not to mention other critters like raccoons, rats, mice, opossums, etc.).
There’s a reason they tell you to not leave food out and/or accessible when you camp in the wilderness – you don’t want to wake up with your pack torn open, or staring down a coyote, wolf, bear, etc., who was attracted to the food source.
But snark away, Mr. Humphrey, continue to valiantly defend people not based on their behavior, but on their housing status, because according to you no homeless can ever do anything bad that might require enforcement.
Dummy who edits the Merc writes lazy attack on random person. Don’t ever say anything about tweakers camping in wildlife habitat or you will be subject to the same old one-sided drivel. Homeless good, housed bad.