Obstacles, obviously.

Video, obviously.
Obstacle course whilst wearing a Spock shirt and ears and a kilt.
Hate to be a buzzkill but that race requires some training. Not to cast aspersions on Denis's physical fitness but unless he's already prepared or already quite fit, he will either not finish, get hurt or both. Most likely both. Who then will go cover delicious town hall meetings on street fees? Ugly shoes Marjorie? Stand-up Alison? Ecstatic, naked Ned??? No way.
Make him ride around in a police cruiser in North Portland on a Friday night.
I did one of those obstacle courses last year. They're not too demanding. They're fun and messy but it's not like running a marathon, especially since there are often bottlenecks and lines for the various obstacles. Six miles can be a bit much for someone unaccustomed to running, but mostly it's like Double Dare for adults.
Nerd trolling involve personal shame. The other two are just odd.
At the Highland Games, can we make him walk around with a sign identifying him as French?
Blogtown commenters stymied by feelings of actual affection for Denis and concern for his well-being.
There are mudder courses designed for the lay person. Certainly difficult but this, I believe, is quite a step up.
Does Denis even know how to play the trombone?
Fun fact: I do not know how! But I *can* do that thing where you purse your lips and place them into the aperture and make them tickle. And then a warbling, bleating sound issues forth for a few seconds.
If you grow your beard out some, you'll make a great Spicker (that's a portmanteau of Spock and Riker).
I'll give him a lesson!

(I am immune to suggestive trombone jokes because high school but say what you must.)
Don't get so freaked out by flogging, vanilla girl, it beats the hell out of Ativan.

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