It’s back! Welcome to the triumphant return of the Blogtown series we like to call “Worst. Night. Ever.” Every Wednesday during our weekly “My, What a Busy Week” pitch meetings, someone suggests an event which is the equivalent of throwing acid in our eyes—but we also realize a more enlightened person might love it! Hence, these “risky” events are often unfairly pushed aside. WELL, NO MORE. Instead of allowing what could be entirely worthy events to vanish forever, we’re asking you—yes, YOU—the Blogtown readers to decide which of these events one of us should attend… whether we like it or not!
Every week an editorial staff member will be presented with three events that do not match their personality or interests… like, AT ALL. And here’s the fun part: YOU will vote on and pick the event that must be attended by our unlucky staffer. Afterward he or she will review it right here on the blog! NOTE: Everyone’s taste is different, right? So while attending a Taylor Swift listening party might make Courtney claw her eyes out, Steve might love it! That’s why you might find a perfectly pleasant event or two in the list below. Also, competitors must stay for at least two hours (or until the event is over, whichever comes first) and are not allowed to get drunk, or use any substances (drugs) or distractions (phone/reading material) to dull the pain they may experience. Now let’s see who is up this week:
MUSIC EDITOR NED LANNAMANN’S WORST. NIGHT. EVER.
Ned is a lumbering, clumsy moose who, like the rest of our editorial staff (excluding me), has all the social graces of an ostrich that’s high on panic-inducing pot. That’s why we chose the following events that could possibly push him waaaay out of his comfort zone:
• NAKED BLISS DANCE: This “dynamic meditation” takes place every first and third Thursday at the private residence of Bob and Sam in SW Portland… but let’s allow them to explain it. “Our dance tends to be more sensual than most other dances; you can dance topless or even fully nude if that is what is authentic for you in that moment.” I think this would be a great way for Ned to really get “in touch” with his own personal freedom, and come out of his shell. Oh, and if he has trouble affording the $15 entry fee, he can always “pay with trade or labor such as cleaning the floors.”
• OPEN COURT IMPROVISATION: Now this sounds super fun to me… but will probably terrorize Ned beyond belief. Curious Comedy Theater has a twice monthly event called “Open Court,” and here are the deets: “What happens when improvisers of all levels of skill and experience, come together to perform longform improv for each other and the audience? FUN! Everyone is welcome to play or watch whether you have been playing for years or have never been on a stage in your life.” Ned has never even been NEAR a stage in his life. This will be so good for his self-esteem.
• REVOLUTIONARY WAR VETERAN’S RIFLE MARKSMANSHIP CLASS: Umm… Ned hates guns. Has never shot one before in his life. But this sounds perfect for him: The Revolutionary War Veteran’s Association (RWVA) will be conducting a Project Appleseed rifle marksmanship event on June 21-22, 2014 at the Douglas Ridge Rifle Club, Eagle Creek, Oregon. Participants will learn how to shoot rifles from practical field positions such as the prone, sitting, and standing positions. Participants will also learn how civilian marksmanship played a pivotal role in the founding of our nation.” Oh-oh! Does that sound like what I think it sounds like? Let’s send Ned to this event and find out!
Polling closes at 5 pm tomorrow. (Next week is Marjorie Skinner’s Worst. Night. Ever! Got any discomfortable events for her? The time frame is June 27-29, leave your ideas in the comments!)
Call me a party-pooper, but I’m fairly confident that zero members of the Revolutionary Way Veteran’s Association are actually veterans of the Revolutionary War. I call bullshit on the whole thing.
If he goes to the naked dance party the post will be something like this:
“I went to the naked dance party and the folks there were a little weird but on the whole it was fine and, you know, there were naked people but that was totally fine after a few minutes whatever. Kinda awkward maybe but meh.”
No, make him hang out with the gun dudes. That sounds actually unusual.
Came here to say what Joe said. Don’t fall for the siren song of the naked dance. It’ll be the foot fetish party all over again.
The gun dudes are guaranteed to make him uncomfortable and be super confrontational, as opposed to the come-as-you-are openness of the nudies.
Gun dudes, gun dudes, gun dudes!!!
GUYS! The nudity is optional and fluid at the Naked Bliss Dance… which means Ned can legally cheat his way out of showing his balls to a bunch of people.
VOTE REVOLUTIONARY WAR GUN CLASS!!
Don’t be fooled by the naked dance backlash, people! If you’ve never shot guns and you get to shoot guns, you’ll realize why people like to shoot guns. It’s pretty fun.
I don’t care if Ned doesn’t have to show a single chest hair, just being around that rampant, very unfortunate nudity-and forget the optional part, a majority there will be nude-will be awful. Participating will be torture. Vote NAKED BLISS DANCE.
Improv. Improv. Improv. Improv.
If you put all three of these events under the same roof, your Ned friend might as well be at the casting call for Duck Dynasty.
Why are we limiting ourselves to only one event for Neds WORST NIGHT EVER?
I propose he do all three.
Now, THAT’S a Worst Night Ever!
An evening with the 2nd amendment freaks, please.
I vote gun class, the other two seem like they’d easily make for a boring review & read.
Improv open court all the way!!!