I fact check a lot of names in a given week at the Mercury. And well, sometimes there's a name... well, it's a name for a time 'n' place, it fits right in for a given person's occupation. Over the years, I've collected these names of real-life people and the perfect jobs they hold, and this list is finally long enough to reveal to you. Presenting...
Your Name Is Too Perfect!
• Sarah Slipper, founding artistic director at Northwest Dance Project
• Rachel Rhymes, owner of the Record Room, a record shop that sadly shut down in November
• Hilary Horvath Flowers, in-house florist at Alder & Co.
• Michael Ashe, president of Wilhelm’s Portland Memorial, which specializes in cremation
• Constantin Severe, director of the city’s Independent Police Review Division, tasked with civilian oversight of the Portland Police Bureau
• Larry Sidor at Crux Fermentation Project
• Christian Cleaver, master butcher at Old Salt
• Dr. Robert Snider, see Dirk's news story "Broken Record," about this doctor who works in the Oregon Department of Corrections. One of Dr. Robert's patients allegedly suffered hallucinations under the doctor's care and questioned the drugs he was prescribed. The Beatles wrote a little song about a man named Dr. Robert.
• Ken Forkish, restauranteur of Ken’s Artisan Bakery and Pizza and Trifecta Tavern
• Kevin Macho, a Portland cop who complained that women were getting better jobs than him in the police bureau, also he allegedly groped a transgender lady
• Walter W. McMonies, building owner and real estate lawyer at law firm Lane Powell
Names I Really, Really Like
• Bernie Bottomly, vice president of government affairs at Portland Business Alliance
• Dr. Calvin O. Butts III, an influential pastor out of New York; I would like to marry his name.
• Soranus, an ancient Greek scholar who specialized in contraception and its myriad methods
• Dike Dame, a Pearl District real estate developer. I like that Mr. Dame is probably pretty wealthy, and yet, he's got an awesome hobo name.
This list brought to you by your friend, Copy Chief Courtney J. Googlesalot