THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9

9:30 NBC SNL WEEKEND UPDATE

Debut! Amy Poehler, Seth Meyers and the SNL crew present an expanded weeknight edition of the update.

10:00 FX IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA

The gang must use CSI tactics to discover who left a poopy on Charlie's bed.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 10

9:00 CBS THE EX LIST

Bella reunites with her ex-slacker boyfriend who is now way, waaaay too athletic.

9:00 USA THE STARTER WIFE

Debut! A dumped wifey gets her life back on track in this show that nobody except lonely people will watch on a Friday night.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11

8:00 NBC CELEBRITY CATWALK CHALLENGE

Tori Spelling hosts this contest where washed-up celebs humiliate themselves further by pretending to be models.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12

9:00 VH1 ROCK OF LOVE CHARM SCHOOL

Debut! Sharon Osbourne helps the ho-bags from Rock of Love attempt to feign a little class.

10:00 AMC MAD MEN

Don takes a business trip to L.A. where he gets to screw an entirely different class of people.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 13

9:30 ABC SAMANTHA WHO?

Season premiere! Sam competes in a dance-off against an alumni of Dancing with the Stars! Not... fair!

10:00 NBC MY OWN WORST ENEMY

Debut! Christian Slater stars as a schmoe who has no idea he's a super spy! I have similar concerns.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 14

10:00 ABC ELI STONE

Season premiere! Eli's blindness prevents him from seeing special guest star Sigourney Weaver!

11:00 WE SEX CHANGE HOSPITAL

Debut! I know nothing about this show, and yet? What else do I need to know?

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15

6:00 ALL NETS PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE

This is the very, very last presidential debate between McCain and Obama... so make up your goddamn mind already!!

9:00 BRAVO PROJECT RUNWAY

Season finale! The final four present their designs, which I would never wear in a billion years.