Since studios have started to release their summer blockbusters earlier and earlier in the year, marketing tie-ins are starting earlier and earlier in the year, too. Which is why it makes perfect sense for Iron Man 2 Slurpees to currently be on sale, despite the fact that it's 46 goddamn degrees outside.

Obviously, due to some stupid precedent (evidenced here, and here, and here, and here), I am morally and professionally obligated to report on this. ONWARD.

There aren't any Iron Man-specific Slurpee flavors (though 7-Eleven really should have one, and it should be called "whiskey"), but you can get a bunch of different cups and straws, at least two of which feature Mickey Rourke and Don Cheadle, which is just fucking weird. Because I've spent countless sleepless nights wondering why I can't buy fine glassware emblazoned with the hypnotic image of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow, I happily opted for the Black Widow cup, henceforth referred to as The Only Cup I Shall Ever Drink From For the Rest of My Days.

Steve opted for... Christ, I don't even know what to call this fucking thing. Steve's insisting on calling it the "Iron Man Oscar" and has been sprinting around the office giving rambling acceptance speeches for the past 45 minutes. Nobody's quite sure what he thinks he's won, but a consensus has been reached to not let him have sugar anymore.

Also, regarding the Iron Man Oscar: In our society, it is not often that people who drive Mini Coopers are allowed to make fun of other people. This is how it should be. And yet, there are exceptions to this rule.

"A Slurpee Scene"
Act I: Outside a 7-Eleven. It's 46 goddamn degrees outside. STEVE and ERIK exit the store, proudly admiring their Iron Man 2 Slurpees as they walk toward Erik's Jeep. Nearby, a MAN exits his novelty automobile.

MAN GETTING OUT OF MINI COOPER: Whoa. Is that... a drink?
STEVE: Yes, my good sir! Indeed it is!
MAN GETTING OUT OF MINI COOPER: (scoffing, sarcastic) Heh. Nice.
STEVE: (ashamed, defeated) Oh.

~fin~

In summation, these are definitely Slurpee cups with Iron Man stuff on them. Let us hope that they sell as successfully as these straws from last year's Slurpee tie-ins with G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Terminator Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which have now been gathering dust at 7-Eleven for the better part of an entire calendar year.

UPDATE (Friday, April 9): Holy shit, I just got an email from the director of corporate communications for 7-Eleven, Inc. She totally saw this post; obviously, this is a very big deal. "Hi, Erick — I read your posting this morning, and yes we do have a Iron Man 2 Slurpee flavor," she wrote. "It’s called Invincible Orange." I wrote her back and asked that she keep me in the loop about future Slurpee developments, and she promised to do so: "We have other cool stuff coming up this summer, and I'll keep you posted," she wrote. Excellent.