Hi. I'm Francine Colman-Gutierrez. Here are some things you are wrong about.
Old People: You're wrong. Some of them aren't creepy at all.
Daylight Savings Time: Wrong. You're not actually saving anything.
Your "Cool" Dad: He is so not cool.
"There IS Evidence for God" Billboards: You are very wrong about that.
Neko Atsume: Just like God, the cats aren't real.
McDonald's All-Day Breakfast: It's better than you could possibly imagine.
Megyn Kelly: Uh, guys? She still works for Fox News.
Raccoons: Not cute—their tiny hands are aberrations of nature.
Wine Gardens Taking Up Parking Places: Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Replying "K": Just a short way of saying, "You're not worthy of my time."
Mayoral Candidate Door Knockers: Tell your people they picked the wrong door, Jules Bailey.
Attending a Conservative Evangelical Church While Not Believing in the Core Tenets of Said Church: Pick a side, Jules Bailey.
Restaurants That Play Reggae: How could that be right anywhere in the universe? (Okay, fine... maybe in Jamaica.)
Enjoying Deadpool: You're embarrassing yourself.
"Pot Smells Good": Pot smells like ass on those days when my ass says, "Uggh. I smell like ass."
Broad City: Needs work.
Tina Fey: Needs work.
Meghan Trainor: She's a-mazing.
Men in Scarves: A noose would look better.
My Sister's Fiancé Ben: He's the worst possible choice you could make, sweetie.
Moving to Canada if Trump Is Elected: You would do no such thing, you fucking liar.
Voting for Hillary Clinton Solely on Her Promise to Declassify UFO Files: I can get behind that.