"Satan"

Guys! Halloween! Just around the corner! And this year I’ve decided to “out-creep” myself by purchasing a vintage child’s Halloween costume, and wearing it on top of my grown-up nude body. Then I will hide behind a dumpster in an alley. Until YOU come along.

Here are my top five picks (plus a bonus).

5.

Satan
  • “Satan”

4.

Donny Osmond
  • “Donny Osmond”

Hit the jump for more horrifying choices. IF YOU DARE.

To repeat: Me. Nude. Wearing one of these. Hiding behind a dumpster. Waiting. For you.

3.

Bugs Bunny
  • “Bugs Bunny”

2.

Flipper and Rubiks Cube: Tied for second.
  • “Flipper” and “Rubik’s Cube”: Tied for second.

1.

Mustache Guy from the Village People
  • “Mustache Guy from the Village People”

OR…
1.

V.I.C.I. from Small Wonder
  • “V.I.C.I. from Small Wonder”

WHICH DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CHOOSE TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WITH?

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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