This past weekend, I was the hit of Ned’s birthday party (naturally) by showing off my wicked sick Judo moves. I took a “junk Judo” self-defense class in college (taught by an ROTC sergeant who also happily showed me how to “decapitate Charlie with a shovel if you’re ever caught in the jungle”), and surprisingly, I retained almost everything I was taught. Here are demonstrations of my most awesome Judo moves that I will happily pull on your ass, should you ever decide to cross me.

5. “Sacrifice Throw”

4. “Sanda Takedown”

Three more wicked sick moves after the jump! HAAAAAI-YAH!!

3. “The Reap”

2. “Sinking Python”

1. “Me, Doing This, to You”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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