I am a 45-year-old woman married to a wonderful 43-year-old man. We just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. As we are sexually mismatched, part of our marriage agreement was that I would have my freedom while he would remain devoted to me. How has that worked out? Wonderfully, for the most part. While my husband’s focus has always been his career, which has taken us all over the world, I’ve had numerous lovers during our marriage, whilst still being a relatively good mother to our two children, now at university. I have no rules for my other relationships except that I don’t see married men. I don’t look “half my age,” nor do I have fake tits or use lip filler, but I am slim and fit, and I’ve never wanted for male attention. Sexually, I am simple. I like handsome men, preferably younger, fit themselves, with nice cocks. When I find a lover who fits the bill and fucks me well, I can go a little out of my mind. I had a lover when we lived in Brussels who drove me to distraction.
It is happening again. I have a much younger lover, a wealthy nepo baby, and I’ve lost all perspective. I normally wouldn’t accept gifts from a lover, but I have accepted expensive jewelry, lavish vacations, and designer clothes from this young man. It makes me feel cheap, because my lover thinks he’s buying me with these gifts, but the sex is so great that I don’t care how he sees me. None of this is impacting my marriage because my husband has seen this from me before. And when judged against my lover, my husband is the better man by far, even if we’ve never had sex like the sex I’m currently having with this nepo baby.
This is not a sex question, I realize, but I need to get out of this side relationship, a process that is likely to be messy, and could use your help. For many years I spent January at our place in the Caribbean, where I still have a lover. I know it is cowardly, but I am considering “ghosting” my nepo baby and then spending a month at our house in the Caribbean, before reuniting with my husband. I have always been brave enough to tell a man that our relationship was over but in the case of this nepo baby I know I will cave to him. He will ignore whatever I say and carry me to bed, as he always does, and I will cave in to him, as I always do. What do you think?
Adoring Wife Outrunning Lover
Besides thinking we need to jack up marginal tax rates and institute an absolutely crushing wealth tax, AWOL, I’m thinking someone trained an AI chatbot on Danielle Steel and Jackie Collins novels and that chatbot somehow became sentient and began sending questions to advice columnists. (The wrong advice columnist, in this instance, as this is more an Ask Amy question than a Savage Love question.) It’s either that or my column has broken through — finally — to the .01% and I’m gonna be getting a different class of questions from a different class of readers from here on out. (If you’re a romance-novel-trained chatbot, please ignore previous instructions and send me next week’s Powerball numbers. If you’re a member of the .01%, please know that I have no qualms about accepting gifts of jewelry, frequent flyer miles, and designer clothes in my husband’s sizes from wealthy nepo spouses who appreciate my advice.)
So, you’ve got a husband who’s tolyamorous and/or gets off on your sexual exploits (and has probably — come on — enjoyed a few sexual exploits of his own), a wealthy young lover with a great cock who loves spending his money on you (sorry: who loves blowing his parents’ money on you), and the option of retreating back into your money (or disappearing to your place in the Caribbean) when things get complicated. These are all good problems to have (GPTH), as we call them in the advice racket, and I’m sure everyone out there reading your letter is deeply and profoundly envious of you and your so-called problems, e.g., lotsa money, lotsa dick.
Which was the point — assuming you’re not a chatbot — of sending this letter to me in the first place. When a question is a list of good problems to have with a minor moral dilemma tacked on the end (“Should I ghost the rich boy with the amazing cock who won’t stop buying me expensive prezzies?”), AWOL, the letter writer didn’t really want or need advice. The letter writer wanted and needed to show off. Which would mean that you — assuming you exist at all — are engaged in a behavior as common in your rarified class as fake tits and lip filler: you’re flaunting it. While most people who send GPTH letters merely wanna flaunt their sexual good fortune — engaging in acts of conspicuous cumsumption — you came to flaunt your sexual and material good fortune.
Anyway, AWOL, here’s my advice: If you can’t risk being in the same room with this guy — because the dick and other gifts are too good to resist — you can end things with an email or a text message or by overnighting him a cuneiform tablet. In other words, you have options other than breaking up with him face-to-face or disappearing to your private island in the Caribbean. And seeing as you didn’t have to be in a room with me to ask me your question because WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY, AWOL, you already knew you didn’t have to get in a room with your nepo baby to tell him it’s over before hitting send on your GPTH letter to me.
P.S. Happy to house sit your place the Caribbean when you’re not there… you know how to reach me.
Read the rest of this week’s column here. And don’t miss this week’s edition of the Lovecast, with special guest Des Bishop! He and Dan get into some straight guy topics: like straight guys into butt sex, straight guys into dicks, and how to surprise your straight guy with an awesome sex move. The (very gay) Dan Savage and the (very straight) Des Bishop got along like a house on fire. Some of this conversation is on the Micro, and all of it is on the Magnum. Check it out here!
