2017 was a goddamned tire fire of disappointment and failure for most of the days it spent burning up our calendars. Let’s just cut the shit and spend the next 72 hours trying to find as many worthy ways to bid it farewell as we can. There’s a multitude of options awaiting you—click the links below and try to hit as many of them as you can. You deserve it— unless you voted for Trump, in which case you can go fuck yourself.
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Friday, Dec 29
Matt Braunger
With his standup career skyrocketing, former Portlander Matt Braunger (he helped start the Bridgetown Comedy Fest!) has left this bullshit shithole of a town in the dust. From his Netflix special Big Dumb Animal to showing up on Bojack Horseman, the smart, hilarious Braunger’s all over the place—but thankfully, he’s back in Portland for a few shows at Helium. Quick, get the electrified nets ready! If we catch him, we can make him stay! ERIK HENRIKSEN
Dec 29-31, Fri-Sat 7:30 pm & 10 pm, Sun 8 pm & 10:30 pm, Helium Comedy Club, $23-64
J Names Improv
The kindergarten conceit of J Names Improv—troupe members’ names are all brought to you by the letter J!—is way funnier than it has any right to be, with some of Portland’s most skilled comedy veterans inventing odd delights right before your eyes. This time around, they’ll be joined by the Merc’s own Editor in Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey—OR SHALL I SAY Jm. Jeven Jumphrey! MEGAN BURBANK
9:30 pm, Curious Comedy Theater, $10-12
Down Gown, Trappist-1, Shrill Tones
Portland’s Down Gown play with wiry poise, exuding unhinged, manic ferocity one minute, then shifting to melodies so mired in dissonant structures they almost seem surreal. Ryan J. Prado
9 pm, The Lombard Pub, free
Ash Street’s Farewell to Punk Rock
A slew of Ash Street Saloon regulars spend six nights saying farewell to the longtime Portland venue. Tonight’s installment passes the torch to some of the punk acts that have unleashed on the stage over the years, with sets from Green Jelly, Dead Friends, Cliterati, God Bless America, 48 Thrills, Knox Harrington, and a special interlude by Headless Pez.
9 pm, Ash Street Saloon, $10
Helvetia, Deathlist, Floating Room
Local experimental rock band Helvetia are closing out a busy year by paying respects to frontman Jason Albertini’s previous band, Duster, who released a pair of slowcore classics on Up Records before calling it quits in the early 2000s. With Duster co-founder Dove Amber along for the ride, tonight’s tribute is two-thirds of the way to reunion status, making this rare opportunity to witness a beloved catalogue of songs performed live an unmissable event for Duster devotees and curious indie rock aficionados alike. CHIPP TERWILLIGER
9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $5
Hungry Hungry Hip-Hop
The monthly showcase spotlighting the many flavors and styles in Portland’s hip-hop community returns to the Atlantis Lounge. The last show of 2017 features performances from Slickwitted founder Charis, FUTRO founder Neo G Yo, and MG Productions’ Moblin, all followed up by a dance party featuring VNPRT and Eric Fury behind the decks.
9 pm, Mississippi Pizza Pub & Atlantis Lounge, $5
Sage Francis, Juicy Karkass, Dalton
You might find the music of Paul “Sage” Francis at the intersection of a poetry slam and a hiphop show. Though his sound is sometimes frenzied and his beats aren’t the most resonant, his words are poetry, creating rich visuals and evocative messages. His verses veer between intensely personal and political, wrapped in a dramatic delivery, transforming hiphop into his own personal genre. ROSE FINN
9 pm, Star Theater, $20
Beats Antique, CloZee
The renowned production trio bring their experimental blend of world fusion and electric dance music back to Portland for an end-of-year performance at the Crystal Ballroom.
8 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $30-35, all ages
Saturday, Dec 30
STRFKR
When I’m in need of a good cheering-up, Portland’s own STRFKR is who I turn to. They play neon-conjuring, synth-heavy electronica: Careful builds, emotive lyrics, and glittery aural sparks make you feel like you’re in a self-actualization montage in a particularly smart John Hughes movie. If you don’t believe me, listen to their cover of “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” immediately. MEGAN BURBANK
w/ Minden, Dec 30; w/ Reptaliens, Dec 31; 9 pm, Wonder Ballroom, $30-35, all ages
Explode into Colors
The past two years have truly sucked, but one good thing 2016 gave us was the reunion of Explode into Colors. News of the beloved art-rock trio’s second coming brought joy to Portland music fans, who’ll be able to shake their bums to the band’s funky grooves two nights in a row this week. Mississippi Studios is not messing around when it comes to openers: psychedelic cumbia outfit Sávila plays the first night, with glam rapper Maarquii and producer JVNITOR heating up the New Year’s Eve show. CIARA DOLAN
w/ Savila, Dec 30; w/ Maarquii & JVNITOR, Dec 31; 9 pm, Mississippi Studios, $25-30
Nasalrod, C Average, Hair Puller
Beloved local experimental rockers Nasalrod bring their frenzied live show to the Fixin’ To for a weird, energetic goodbye to 2017.
9 pm, The Fixin’ To, $7
Winter Farmers Mercado
‘Tis the season to support local growers! Farmers Markets aren’t just for the summer and you can stock up on your favorite fruits, veggies, and small batch food products every Saturday through the March at the Portland Mercado. This indoor and outdoor market also promises activities for the kids, live music, and chef-led educational programs in addition to bounds of fresh produce. EMILLY PRADO
10 am, Portland Mercado, free
The Adventures of Prince Achmed
Almost 100 years after it was made, 1926’s The Adventures of Prince Achmed still astonishes. It’s the oldest feature-length animated movie that still exists, but it’s completely timeless, using German animator Lotte Reiniger’s intricate cutout technique to create gorgeous silhouettes that depict a gripping, surreal adventure from the Arabian Nights, populated by sorcerers and demons. NED LANNAMANN
4:30 pm, NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, $6-9
Dan Sheron
Tonight is the last night of Balto frontman Dan Sheron’s week-long residency at Al’s Den. Sheron’s rootsy musical leanings stem from his troubadour days in Siberia and Moscow, and he recently returned from a 16-stop tour through Russia by train. His wanderlust has yielded several releases under the Balto parasol, beginning with 2011’s October’s Road, followed by 2012’s Monuments, and later 2015’s 7-inch Call It by Its Name. Balto’s most recent record, Strangers, dropped in early 2017 via Total Reality Meltdown, and bursts with feel-good rockers like the addictive opening track “Lost on the Young” and the Paul Simon-esque “Restless Generation.” Wind down the year with comforting suds and one of the better songwriters in Portland. RYAN J. PRADO
7 pm, Al’s Den, free
Pink Martini: New Year’s Extravaganza
Pianist Thomas Lauderdale and his legendary Portland-based jazz and classical pop ensemble return to the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall to help ring in the New Year.
7:30 pm, Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, $40-125
New Year’s Eve!
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTIES
Look: There is a LOT going on for New Year’s Eve, and the smart partier will consult the unfuckwithable Mercury Things to Do calendar. But if you’re rushing out the door, and need quick choices, here are a few good NYE bets: The Caleb Klauder Band kicks up some dust at the Spare Room; DJ Anjali and the Incredible Kid put on an incredible NYE dance party at Melody Ballroom; Function bills itself as a “backroom disco” with tons of Portland’s hottest DJs at Holocene; and if you like comedy, catch improv, stand-up, and sketches at Curious Comedy and the always hilarious/popular Lez Stand Up at Siren Theater. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Various Locations, see our New Year’s Eve calendar for a full list of venues throwing parties, and the times those parties kick off
Jenny Don’t & the Spurs
Don’t do what Donnie Don’t does, but do do the to-do that Jenny Don’t and the Spurs are doin’ up at Landmark Saloon, the Division Street neighborhood’s bastion of twangy good times. The country outfit released their Call of the Road full-length earlier this year, and its lonesome, high-desert sound does the outlaw country tradition proud while inventing a few traditions of its own, like injecting a few morsels of punk rawness and West Coast surf guitar into their addictive, boot-scootin’ sound. If your ideal way to ring in the New Year involves leather, whiskey, and echoes of Patsy Cline, Jenny Don’t and the Spurs have you covered. NED LANNAMANN
9 pm, Landmark Saloon, free
New Year’s Eve Salsa Live
There’s plain ol’ dancing, and then there’s salsa dancing, and if you’ve ever done the latter, you’re not gonna be satisfied with a New Year’s Eve without it. Luckily, the Imago Theatre’s brand-new salsa venue Imago Salsa Club is offering a full night of exactly what you need: all salsa from start to finish. Featuring the 12-piece SalsaNova Orchestra, the place will be packed with dancers dressed to the nines, displaying skills that will make this the sexiest, salsa-iest NYE party in town. Wallflower tip: Salsa dancing is almost as much fun to watch as it is to actually do, so even if you’re shy you’re bound to have a great time. You’re not likely to be able to resist the dance floor for long, though, so if you’re a true novice, there’s a beginner salsa lesson at 9:30 pm to gear you up for the rest of the night—and who knows? Maybe the rest of 2018, too.
9:30 pm, Imago Theatre, $20-50
New Year’s Eve: Battle of the Decades II
You can’t keep a good party down. The second annual New Year’s Eve Battle of the Decades is back with another who’s-who roster of Portland musicians featuring members of Blitzen Trapper, Sleater-Kinney, the Jicks, Quasi, The Pynnacles, Hurry Up, the Thermals, Blesst Chest, Grails, Modern Kin, the Consortium, Hungry Ghost, Rosewood, Slang, Two Ton Boa, and DJ Jen O. They’ll form four teams and cover tunes from four decades—the ’50s, ’60s, ’70s, and ’80s—in a steel cage match free-for-all. Come ready to ballyhoo your decade of preference and poo-poo the decade that totally sucks the worst (spoiler alert: it’s the ’00s, which isn’t being represented here, so you’re good). Dress up and get ready to be happy as fuck that we get to bid good riddance to this pit of an Earth year. I predict covers will include tributes to the late Tom Petty, Fats Domino, and Chuck Berry, but really anything this amazing group of people decides to play will be fantastic. Goodbye, 2017. See you in hell.
9 pm, Bunk Bar, $20
New Year’s Eve Cruise
The only floating New Year’s Eve party in Portland. Well, the only floating New Year’s Eve party featuring live jazz from the Bylines and David Watson as you toast to 2018 from your own private table. There might be some other floating party somewhere in Clackamas involving a 12 pack of Busch and an inflatable raft, but that won’t be as cool as this is.
10 pm, Portland Spirit, $99
Don’t forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!