DON'T YOU HATE IT when you roll up to a BBQ, thirsty as hell and ready to drink, only to find your beer is hot and gross? You need the liquid courage to mingle, but that canned piss won't cut it. Guess what?! Science and I have got you covered!
So you know those chillers at fancy wine stores that'll blast your chardonnay into icy deliciousville in moments? You can actually make one of those in your own home! The internet taught me that basic table salt will lower water's freezing point (don't ask me how). If you mix salt, ice, and water together in a cooler, the ice will stay frozen, and the water will magically become even colder than frozen!
This is better than throwing your beers in the freezer when you get somewhere because the full contact means the beers get colder faster. Plus, people always forget about those freezer beers and it's annoying.
Does this sound too good to be true? I thought so, too. So I conducted a science experiment. I bought a sixer of Pabst tall boys, a 16-ounce Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade, and a 16-ounce TGI Friday's Wild Strawberry Daiquiri, which I'd never seen before, but was only $1.50. I let everything get nice and toasty in my Honda. Meanwhile, I dumped one box of table salt, three gallons of water, and two bags of ice into a cooler and mixed it all up. It was more water than ice—which is just how I wanted it—and within 20 minutes, the salty ice water was a badass 28 degrees.
I polled some friends and we all decided that 5-10 minutes was how long we'd wait for beers on a hot day. Fifteen minutes was unacceptable and just plain crazy.
Can we do it? SCIENCE TIME!
I dropped three cans of sun-kissed PBR tall boys, the Mike's, and that daiquiri thing into the slushy saltwater. After two minutes, I grabbed a Pabst and took its temperature—55 degrees. Not totally disgusting, but not ideal. At five minutes, I pulled another beer and the Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade. Both came in at a frosty 45 degrees—cold enough to hit the spot on a sunny day. At 10 minutes, I pulled the TGI Friday's Wild Strawberry Daiquiri and the remaining PBR—39 degrees! That is a frosty beverage! The Pabst was borderline delicious (for being Pabst); the daiquiri, while very cold, was fucking disgusting, and you should never buy it, no matter how cold or cheap it is.
So 5-10 minutes in slushy saltwater got our beers where we wanted them to be! It works! SCIENCE!
Pro tips: Don't forget to wipe all that salt off your can before you start drinking. Salty beer is gross, even if perfectly chilled. Also you can get frostbite if your hand is in that super cold water for too long. Get some tongs, or don't get mad at me if your hand falls off.
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