True, poetry has been “ruined” for a very long time—but this video officially burns and salts the poetry earth, ensuring that it fucking stays ruined for the rest of eternity. BEHOLD! A woman reciting poetry, dancing naked in the rain. The first half minute will make your jaw automatically lock shut. The second half minute will make you writhe in pain. In the final minute, you will lose the will to live, and begin hacking off your arm with a cheaply made pocket knife. (No, your arm isn’t trapped under anything—but it did help you click “play” on this video… and therefore must be punished.)

No thank you, Videogum.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

6 replies on “This is the Person Who Ruined Poetry Forever”

  1. Yes, because is so nature-y to film yourself dancing naked in the rain and then upload the video to YouTube. It is highly narcissistic though.

  3. Poetry died when the fuckers stopped rhyming. You can be creative and rhyme. Check out e.e. cummings ferchristssake. Today, any asshole can recite plain text and claim it’s poetry.

    In English class the prof tried to convince us that poetry was a unique form of communication. Communication should involve clarity, whereas poetry involves obfuscation.

    No fucking surprise, then, that among all writers, poets head the list when it comes to suicide. Why? They are frustrated that nobody fucking gets their murky attempts at communication.

  5. Lady, put some clothes on, please, I really just need your signature for this Amazon order, and…really, I’m getting kind of dizzy here…y’know, “again” really shouldn’t rhyme with “pain,” but anyway…HEY LADY! LEMME OUT OF HERE, OK???!?

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