You may be thinking to yourself, “There are plenty of reasons to hate Alison Hallett.” WELL, YOU’RE WRONG. There are maybe only a couple of reasons to hate her, none of which include that she’s an “anti-Semite” (which she’s not) or an “art criminal” (which she may be… but who gives a shit?).
Theater people are a notoriously touchy and insecure bunch—I should know, I’m one on occasion—but when they get a middling, so-so review such as the one Alison gave Portland Center Stage’s Futura? A commenter really brings the drama!
BOO-HOO-HOO! Way to go, Alison! Your continual “art crimes” against humanity have unceremoniously MURDERED the American theater, and… wait. Just a second… (murmur, murmur)… what’s that? You’re saying the American Theater has been dead for almost 40 years? Hmmphh! Well, in that case, Ms. Hallett—you are free to go. But any more “art crime” shenanigans and you’re going straight to art jail!
Then there was her even more damning review of The Jewish Theatre Collaborative’s production of Charlotte Salomon’s Life? Or Theatre? in which Alison wrote, “I can’t forgive a lack of narrative tension so utter that at one point I actually thought, ‘Oh, thank god, the Nazis. That means it’s ending soon.'”
HAHAHAHAAA! Uh-oh! Now I could cut and paste some of the comments, but you’d be much better served by hopping over to the story, and reading the fireworks for yourself—if for no other reason than to see someone say, “I’m glad to hear that the point wasn’t to cheer on the arrival of the Nazis.” (Now if the Nazis had made American theater their target, that might’ve been something to actually cheer!)
Feel free to discuss legitimate reasons to hate Alison Hallett in the comments below.
A few weeks ago, I stated in these comments that I hate people who hate corgis.
Let it also be known that I hate people who hate Alison.
But if a corgi hated Alison – shit, I don’t know what I’d do.
i like als-hat and her writing. her stuff is about a zillion times better than andrew tonry (with the exception of his proposal for the white stag/made in oregon/portland oregon sign, i will never forget that one. that’s the stuff with staying power).
That comma-ridden comment reads like the preamble to the Constitution.
Alison is a nice name for a lady.
I think it’s better if we keep mocking people for taking their reviews of x seriously.
Keep up the good work, Alison.
I hate Alison for beating me at air hockey.
I hate Alison for beating me at Scrabble.
For the millionth time, bridgeburner,
its “judgment” not “judgement”.
Man, that bugs the piss out of me.
That is all.
“…mocking people for taking their reviews of x seriously”? Hey, X was a great band!
No, if I had to guess, Alison has pissed off an actor. Watch yourself. They can bore you to death in five languages.
I hated Allison for years. I was a long-time vegetarian, and she seemed to hate on every restaurant that couldn’t indulge her never-satiated cravings for all things pork. I would make up mock letters to the editor condemning her for her crazy obsession with pork. I assumed she had a clause in her contract somewhere that insisted all restaurants she visit have pork belly on the menu.
Years later, I’m eating pork. Tasty, delicious pork. But I refuse to give her credit!
I hate Alison for her ability to follow through on everything including (but not limited to): college, dinner plans, karaoke plans, nutrition goals, fitness regimens, and blog posts.
I hate Alison for being a really nice and pleasant person. That shit is unexcusable.
There’s only one form of punishment appropriate for Alison’s Jew-hatin’, pork-lovin’ ways: a mandatory gefilte fish addendum to the pork belly clause in her contract.
Gefilte? Have you ever tried it? It’s matzo bad.
I hate Alison for not waving hi to me loudly enough as I rode by her while on my way to work, so I wasn’t able to wave back.
I hate Alison because she has a cute, interesting cat and I only have a mean stray cat that hangs around on the porch.
I hate Alison for beating me at air hockey AND scrabble.
I hate Alison because it sure beats hating myself.
I actually kind of liked her until I found out she was an art criminal. You can just never tell…
Sorry, billyjak, but I have to question your judgement…
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/judgement-…
I plan to offer Alison a cameo role in the pilot of my new TV series, “CSI: Art Crime Unit.”
I do not hate Alison Hallett. I fear her.
Why is this news? Alison has been committing art crime as long as there has been art. For example, she made Van Gogh kill himself after she bit off his ear.
@CC I remember when that happened! It was on Defamer.
Alison Hallett wrote the Sit/Lie Ordinance.
Alison Hallett supplied the urine for “Piss Christ,” and drew pork chops on everyone’s plates in “The Last Supper.”
If Alison were a movie she’d be Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector.
If Alison were a restaurant she’d be Javier’s Taco Shop.
If Alison were a book she’d be The Boz: Confessions of a Modern Anti-Hero
http://amzn.to/eydIdm
If Alison were a phrase from 10 years ago she’d be “Talk to the hand!”
If Alison were a phrase from today she’d be “First world problems!”
If Alison were a juice she’d be Cabbage.
If Alison were a band she’d be Papa Roach.
If Alison were a mole she’d have a long, black hair sticking out of it.
I hate the “If Alison” ‘s TSW wrote. That’s what we’re doing right?
@TSW I actually did a book report on “The Boz: Confessions of a Modern Anti-Hero” in sixth grade. I got a C-minus.
I hate Alison for not letting me review that book in her precious Arts section.
This is begging for an “I Am Alison Hallett” photoshop contest.
There’s a writer here named Alison?