Dan Savage

I got married in 2001. Our sex life was mostly fine, but it was always a little weird because I’m the only woman he’d ever been with — not only sexually, but in a relationship at all. I was 23, he was 30. We bought a house, had a couple of kids, etc., and our sex […]

1. Is it good to see your ex naked? Well, it depends. If you’re on good terms with your ex and seeing your ex naked (looking at old pictures, swapping new ones, having breakup/FWB sex) doesn’t keep emotional wounds incurred during the relationship open and bleeding (making it harder for you and/or your ex to […]

I’m a solo polyamorous hetero-romantic pansexual cisgendered man. My serious romantic relationships have all been with cis women, but most of my sex partners are men. Since I bottom when I am with men, most people think I must be closeted or suffer from “internalized homophobia.” This has caused tension with the women I date, […]

I’ve had a successful career as an artist and thousands follow my professional accounts on social media. My followers think they know me, but I am living a secret double life. What I’ve kept hidden is that I’m bisexual. I have hidden this fact from everyone: from my followers, from my family, and from the three […]

Dear Readers: One more from the deep archives! This column is from August 1997, back in the “Hey, Faggot” days, and features the birth of one of my readers’ favorite Savage Love-isms: “How’d That Happen?!” I’ll have a new column for you next week! HEY, FAGGOT: My girlfriend and I only see each other on […]

Dear Readers: We’re rerunning some very early columns while I recover from shoulder surgery. This column is from February 1999 — the “Hey, Faggot” days — and doesn’t appear in the online archives. HEY, FAGGOT: I feel dirty. Not dirt that can be wiped away with a Wet Nap, but two-cans-of-Ajax kind of dirty. Alas, no matter […]

A lot of studying is being done on pornography and what it does to our brain. My question: are there any studies being done on erotic writing? “Women’s Romance Literature” is absolutely exploding in the online self-publishing sector, and my wife is an avid consumer. “Spice” is the euphemism they use but — wow — romance lit […]

Shortly after our wedding my wife informed me that she would be handling our finances and making all financial decisions for us as a couple going forward. Additionally, she had already arranged for my paycheck to be automatically deposited into an account that only she had control over. I would henceforth get a meager weekly […]

I have been involved in a long distance situationship (intimate friends) for three years. We live in different states. We met in person, then became friends online, and that is where the relationship blossomed. I went to visit her once for a week, and it was a very intimate and fun experience for both of us, although she […]

I’ve been married to my husband for two years. Five months into our relationship (before we got married), he confessed that he was an adult baby. I was so grossed out, I was literally ill. (Why would this great guy want to be like this?) I told him he would have to choose: diapers or me. […]

1. My partner wants me to give him a ruined orgasm. Where do I go to learn that? Ruined orgasms are pretty easy — they’re so simple, in fact, that people sometimes give them to (or inflict them on) their males partners by accident. Here’s how you do it: bring your partner to the point […]

I married my high school girlfriend after college. We were happy, and the sex was fantastic. Then she fell in love with a woman and came out — just to me — as bisexual or possibly a lesbian. Our relationship somehow survived this tumult, and we decided to start a family. We are now in our […]