Dan Savage

I’m a gay man in my fifties, comfortable in my skin, but I suffered severe bullying throughout school, which was often abetted by teachers. A recent class reunion prompted me to write a tell-all letter to the current school director regarding that trauma. His gracious response was incredibly healing. My family has accepted me since I came […]

I am a 45-year-old femme-presenting genderqueer AFAB person. When I have romantic relationships with cis het men, I’ve noticed two general types: They either enjoy sex and prioritize pleasure and making things fun for their partners and themselves, but make no special big deal about it, and we usually have frequent enough sex and that’s […]

1. What if I’m turned on by my own trauma? What do I do with this?  You do therapy with it. And then after you’ve worked through your trauma with the help of your therapist (which includes unpacking your feelings about being turned on by your trauma), you can — taking the tiniest of baby […]

I’m a 28-year-old gay man who isn’t going home for Christmas for the first time in my life. I’ve been out since I was fourteen and my family has been amazingly supportive, and they love my boyfriend of four years. (They hated my first and third boyfriends, so it’s not like they love anybody I […]

My partner is still in love with her ex. For ten years she believed him to be the love of her life. It’s been two years since they split and there’s no possibility of them getting back together because he betrayed her in the most despicable possible way. It was the kind of betrayal that […]

Cisgender bi-female late forties, living in the Bay Area. My boyfriend and I have been dating six months and are very much in love. His friends party quite a bit, lots of drinking and other party favors, and we all enjoy feeling good on the dance floor. The first time I met one of his […]

1. Is Donald Trump a gay man? I can’t think of anything that screams “closeted gay” louder than building a golden ballroom. Donald Trump has been married to three different women (two of whom were immigrants), he’s been credibly accused of sexual harassment and assault by dozens of women, and he was found liable — […]

I’m gay and go to a small liberal arts school. I have a crush on this one guy, but he brought up — unprompted — that he’s Aro/Ace. I really like him. We have great conversations in a lab we have together, and I think he’s super attractive. But every time I’ve tried to extend […]

The person who introduced me to you — my wife — is the source of my woes. We have a child and a lovely home and financial security. But the issue is my feelings of sexual dissatisfaction. My wife suffers from health issues that make sex painful. I never pressure her, and her wellbeing is […]

I’m a straight male who is not well endowed — I’m at the edge of the scale used to describe average penis size — and I watch porn both alone and with my wife. I suddenly find myself becoming more and more fascinated with larger penises. Specifically: What is it like to have one? Like […]

1. I’m a 34-year-old woman who has been with a man I really enjoy for three years. There are a few reasons I don’t think we’re going to last forever. Most importantly: I’m not planning to have kids. He knows that but he wants them. Do I cut it off or let it run its […]