Dan Savage

I hate to admit this, but I have a hard time feeling comfortable having sex or even talking to guys unless I’m drunk or high. I’m a trans man. I’m a sexual assault survivor. Admittedly, I’m also a bit insecure about myself. And while I’ve been in therapy for years, I don’t feel I’m making […]

I’m an early 40s lesbian in the Vegas area and I’m sorry to report that not all lesbians have gotten the memo that oral comes standard. I have faced this issue since I began dating. I’ve met many women who require creativity and persistence to come — and you know what? It’s my pleasure. I’m […]

1. How do I ensure an HSV-2-positive new partner is taking their meds to reduce transmission risk? In a high-trust relationship, you trust your partner to take their meds. In a low-trust relationship, you insist your partner take their meds in front of you or send you a video of them taking their meds.  2. […]

Long time reader! I’m a mostly straight boy in my early 20s with a new girlfriend. I say “mostly straight” because I’m into bondage and finding men who wanted to tie me up was always easier than finding women who wanted to tie me up. But I met a girl at a party early this […]

I’m a 31-year-old heterosexual woman who has been married for nine years. The math: my husband and I got married right after university. Like you, I grew up Catholic, and as a girl/woman, all of the purity culture bullshit was foisted on me. Over the years, I’ve come to reject everything I was brought up […]

Can you expand on your “zone of erotic autonomy” concept? It has been a big help to me in my relationship, but I’m wondering where the autonomous zone’s boundaries are. My partner is a major porn and masturbation enthusiast, and over the years, it has caused a lot of friction — the good kind for […]

1. Advice for a gay 28-year-old university professor who wants to cruise the apps in New York City while somehow avoiding his students?  “There’s no easy solution to online dating in places where you might encounter students,” said a sexually active gay university prof who lives and fucks (and wishes to remain anonymous) in a […]

Dear Readers: I’m away on my last reconnecting-with-family trip of the summer. This column originally appeared in 2018. Back with an all-new, action-packed Savage Love Quickies column next week. — Dan I’m a professional dominatrix, and I thought I’d seen everything in the last five years. But this situation completely baffled the entire dungeon. This middle-aged […]

I’m a cis bisexual American woman in my 30s, married to a man. I’ve been living in Europe for the past decade. I’m self-employed, and it’s a pretty lonely existence sometimes. I don’t speak the local language well. It’s a very tight-knit culture, and everybody seems like they’ve had their friend groups since birth.  I’ve […]

I’m in my early twenties, and I’m looking to start exploring kink further, especially since my hometown is in a metropolitan area with a large kink community. I have no shame or fear about entering kink spaces beyond the typical nerves any beginner might have. I was lucky to be raised by some really awesome […]

I’m a 44-year-old woman with a history of childhood sexual trauma. I enjoy sex if I’m with a partner I feel very connected to emotionally, but I’ve never had an orgasm. Because of this I tend to rely on pleasing my partner during sex rather than my own arousal. It works OK for me at […]

1. What advice do you have for young people who want to have an open conversation with their partners about changing aspects of their sex life to make it more pleasurable without hurt feelings or awkwardness?   What’s more likely to lead to major hurt: A few awkward conversations now that (hopefully) lead to better conversations […]