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Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist, the author of several books, and the host of the Savage Lovecast, Savage is “a deviant of the highest order” (Daily Caller). He does not like to be hugged.
Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Code Red

“Gingerism” is a THING. And it’s made this red-head’s sexual life unnecessarily complicated. 
Avatar photo Dan Savage

I’m a 33-year-old bisexual redheaded cis woman from Europe. Last week, I stumbled across the word “gingerism,” and an important part of my life clicked into place. I went down a rabbit hole of stories from other redheads who, like me, have been bullied, hypersexualized, and treated like mythical creatures since puberty. Honestly? It felt […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Defaulting

A “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship gets horny… then thorny.
Avatar photo Dan Savage

My wife and I are socially monogamous but have a DADT arrangement that applies if we’re not in our home city. While my wife would prefer that I divulge details to her, I don’t want to hear her details, so we defaulted to DADT based on my preferences. Because we aren’t out to friends about […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Sailed Ships

Her formerly drunk hubby cleaned up his act… or did he? 
Avatar photo Dan Savage

My always polite and very-high-functioning drunk husband was fucking around for the first fifteen years of our marriage. The other women were “unhappily married co-workers” who needed discretion. At the time, I thought our sex life was actually fairly normal.  Things came to a head when I learned about a two-year affair he’d been having. […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Vibe Shifts

How do you plan a hot, sexy getaway with sexy friends? Or can you?
Avatar photo Dan Savage

I’m a gay 35-year-old guy in the San Francisco area. I’m heading on a weekend getaway with my boyfriend and two other gay couples. We’re all solid but purely platonic friends — at least so far — but turning this “couples’ getaway” into a group play extravaganza sounds so hot to me. I believe everyone […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies

Get your sex advice lickety-split with this edition of Savage Love: Quickies!
Avatar photo Dan Savage

1. How does one find the clitoris?  I’m told the clitoris is not hard to find — go north, young man — but if one tries to find it and one fails, one should pull over (or pull out) and ask for directions.  2. If someone tells you to “do whatever you want,” should you? […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Come and Go

“I had sex in a hot tub once… and it ruined my life.”
Avatar photo Dan Savage

I have a problem that I’m not sure can be solved. I’m a single gay man who hasn’t touched anybody for sixteen years. Yes, you read that right: I haven’t touched another person for sixteen years. Sit with that for a couple of moments. Most people don’t believe me. I did something stupid in 1998 […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Off the Table

“She finds sex too painful and no longer wants to have intercourse. But… what about me?”
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I’ve been happily married to my wife for fifteen years. I’m a 54-year-old man, she’s a 55-year-old woman. While sex has never been our strongest suit, we’ve made the effort. But she now finds sex too painful and no longer wants to have intercourse. I’m on the larger side, which may or may not be […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Runaway, Bride!

“I’ve been married for almost two years, and we still haven’t had sex.” WHAT? 👀
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I’m a 28-year-old woman married to my husband, a 29-year-old man, for almost two years, and we still haven’t had sex. We met through mutual friends, dated for less than a year, and we knew pretty quickly that we wanted to get married. Things between us felt right. We genuinely liked each other, and everything […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: HUMP! Quickies

Quick (and dirty) questions from the HUMP! porn festival audience members!
Avatar photo Dan Savage

Dear Readers: The twentieth anniversary HUMP! Film Festival — the world’s biggest and best festival of short porn films — kicked off in Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco over the last two weeks. Our amazing new collection will be touring to more than forty cities over the next few months. (Go to humpfilmfest.com to find […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Acid Tongued

“My partner was prescribed a boric acid suppository. Will I die if I eat her out?”
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I’m a cis man in a monogamous relationship with a cis woman who is going through perimenopause. She was recently prescribed a boric acid suppository to help deal with some normal but persistent vaginal health issues. Her doctor and all the reliable online medical resources we’ve found said we should wait “24-48” hours after she […]

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SAVAGE LOVE: Team Fantasize

“Don’t tease me with your hot fantasies if you don’t actually want to do ’em!”
Avatar photo Dan Savage

Dear Readers: I haven’t felt so good since visiting a rustic pluck-your-own chicken place for dinner last week and — doctor’s orders — I’m not allowed to operate advice column machinery until I’m feeling better. Please enjoy this column from February 21st, 2017 and look for a brand-new column in this space next week. — […]

Posted inSavage Love

SAVAGE LOVE: Low and Slow

“How do I stop pushing Daddies away with my neediness?”
Avatar photo Dan Savage

Dear Readers: When I open a column with “Dear Readers,” it’s usually to let you know I’m taking a week off. But this is a brand-new column! All new questions, all new answers. But I intentionally dug through the mail for relatively simple questions because I’m just fried from the news. So, if you wrote […]

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